Love Without Borders 1: Bliss
by ExistInspire
Summary: John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Characters:** John Cena, Randy Orton, Michelle McCool, Trish Stratus. These are just the main characters that will appear but there will be other secondary characters as the story continues.

**Authors Note:** Not my first John Cena story but the first one in over four years so now that his Vanilla Ice persona of those days has passed, I hope I can write him better then I did all those years ago. Thank you for any interest you have in this story and for any and all reviews you give as they are not mandatory. I'm just happy to know it is being looked at. Happy Reading!

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**(I don't wanna know)  
(I don't wanna know)  
(I don't wanna know)**

He opened the door of the apartment, slipping his keys back into his pocket once the door slid unlocked. The house was dark, the lights off aside from the odd candle that flickered throughout the house. He had shared this house with his live in girlfriend Michelle for almost six months now. Her personal touches were all over the place, which is where the candles came in. He was not a candle man but did whatever his girlfriend wanted because he was home a lot less then she was and she needed to feel at home somewhere.

Throwing his bag down onto the floor he turned on the light next to the kitchen and watched as the living room then became bathed in light. Scanning the room, looking for any sign of in the little apartment he decided to kick off his boots and have a rest in the bedroom until Michelle returned.

It was a surprise for her of course, him showing up the way he was, she was not expecting him until the next night and he hoped she would be as happy to see him as he was going to be to see her. He had been waiting all week to get back to her and now he finally had his chance. With his schedule as Champion, it was amazing he even had this long between shows.

The turned the knob of the bedroom door and pushed into it to open it but took a step back when it didn't budge. Since when did his bedroom door have locks on it? Was it possible that out of loneliness and fear Michelle had gotten locks installed in case of emergency? Or was it just that the window was open again and making the damn door stick?

He knew he was supposed to take care of that before he went off for the last week long stint with the WWE and was upset now that he had forgotten all about it. If he was going to co habitat with a woman, most of all the woman of his dreams, he was going to have to keep better tabs on things.

He pushed on the door again, watching as it gave way under his strength and he walked into the room. He saw the shape in the bed then, figuring it was just Michelle napping. She had a tendency to sleep like the dead so it was no shock that she hadn't heard him trying to get in. It was then that the shape moved, making a moaning noise that he noticed that hers wasn't the only shape in the bed.

The shadow of a man was there as well, a man he couldn't see the features of but recognized that tattoos off immediately. With as much force as his shocked body could muster, he pushed the now half open door closed behind him, causing the gush of air to permeate through the room and hit the two occupants of the bed.

The both stopped moving and turned around to where he stood, the shocked expressions more then enough indication that they hadn't expected him there and would have been finished before he had come home the next day.

He caught Michelle's eye and then broke the gaze, afraid that by looking at her he might give in to just how beautiful she still looked, even as she was in the heat of cheating on him.

He turned around, not wanting to stand there and stare at the two of them for another moment and walked slowly from the room leaving the door open a slit as he did. He made his way back out into the living room and sat down on the couch, trying to control his breathing and attempt to make sense of just what was going on here.

He heard her footsteps then, soft against the tiles on the floor and knew she was in the living room with him. Before she could come over to him and lay a hand on him in explanation he stood and backed away. There was no way he could let her near him now, not when the anger he felt flooded his thoughts and his veins like daggers and he couldn't be responsible for anything he did. Nor could he let her near because he still loved her and was afraid that a mere touch from the woman he loved would break him and he would instantly forget she had broken their commitment to each other.

"Why?" was all he could manage to choke out as he slowly raised his head to the woman now standing before him. Michelle, the woman he had loved and pledged his heart too.

"It was a mistake John, it was never supposed to happen this way. I was ending it and you were never supposed to find out." she pleaded, all the while watching as John kept shaking his head, trying not to believe what she was telling him.

"What do you mean it wasn't supposed to happen? Of course it was. You wanted me to eventually find out otherwise you would never have done this. And with him no less."

The him in question made his way out into the living room then, thankfully fully clothed and he looked eyes with John. There was nothing more that he wanted to do now then to ring that assholes neck but he knew that Randy wasn't the only one to blame for this. It had been both of their choices and they both needed to pay. He wasn't sure how but he knew he needed to get them the hell out of there and quick.

"John,"Randy interjected before he could speak. "I didn't plan this alright, it just sort of happened. I know there is no excuse, so I won't give one but we both needed each other."

John laughed sarcastically, not really caring what either of them needed. He was sure they both needed a good smack in the head but he also knew he could never be the one to do it. HE might be strong in the ring but he would never strong arm someone he cared about, least of all these two even though he wanted too.

"Well you know what? You can both have each other if thats what you want. Because as of right now I want you both out of here, out of the apartment and out of my life. When I get back I want the house rid of all of this crap and lies."

He left the apartment then, his fists clenched together in anger and his heart breaking from the inside out. There was nowhere he could go now that would wipe away the pain in his chest. He had finally admitted to loving someone and this was the way it went down and ended. He was positive as he walked out of the building and onto the street that he would never be the same again.

And he never was.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Characters:** John Cena, Randy Orton, Michelle McCool, Trish Stratus. These are just the main characters that will appear but there will be other secondary characters as the story continues.

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**I'll go ahead and pour myself a drink  
I really couldn't care less what you think**

He entered the apartment a few hours later and sure enough all of her belongings had been removed and there was no longer any sign of her or the jerk he had mistakenly called his best friend, Randy Orton anywhere in the apartment. Something that should have made him happy only made him feel sick to his stomach.

In the entire time he had been out, around the city enjoying his freedom with a minimum of stops from the fans, he had wondered just what he had done wrong to cause Michelle to jump into the arms of his best friend the way she had. Had he been gone just too damn much for his own good? But he had washed that idea away because Randy was on the road just as much as he was, most of the time sharing the ride with him.

So what had done it? Had he only mistakenly thought she loved him the way he had loved her?

John had been in love before, he was sure of that as much as he was sure of his own name, but all of those loves in his past were just that. In the past. When Michelle had been in the talent search in the WWE and had caught his eye, he had wasted no time in asking her out. They were both on Smackdown and it seemed like the perfect situation. She hadn't won it but she had come close and in that time they had gone out so many times that she traveled the road just to be with him.

The WWE had come a calling with a contract for her anyway and she had stuck around, which had opened John's heart a little more and made him realize that he no longer had to be alone on the road and could finally be with her, out in the open for the rest of the world to see.

His past, the amount of women he had been with had no bothered her, and it wasn't because she had been with a lot of men because she hadn't been but she understood because of the place that he was in with his life and she now knew with all her heart that John truly loved her and only her.

And he had loved her, more then he ever thought was possible given what they both did for a living and the amount of camera attention they both received. It was hard at first to find time to be alone, to be private with each other, hell to even find time to make love for the first time, but they had done it and through that experience, John had given Michelle every part of himself, hopeful that she would never do anything to break it.

But break it she had and now as he sat here alone in his apartment, the one that they both technically shared even though it was in his name, he felt more alone and broken then ever. It had been years since he had felt this bleak and he found that the more he sat in this apartment, the more the desire to revert back to his dark past hit him.

He was a recovering alcoholic, though not a lot of people within the WWE knew that fact. It was something he felt better dealing with on his own and in his silent time and for the past five years had not had a slip. Not one drink. But now, with the heart beating inside him threatening to break, he knew there was only way he could make it stop.

He walked to the cabinet where she kept the sherry, for those nights when they wanted a drink in front of the fire. Him drinking water and her diluting the sherry so she didn't drink too much. He unscrewed the cap and put the entire bottle to his lips and within seconds, felt the warmness of the liquid coating his throat.

The change was instant, the affects would be long lasting but John felt that he no longer cared because by the end of the night, he would have drunken her out of his system. The woman with the blonder hair and model body, who had been more then that to him. Everything and more. The woman with the crystal blue eyes that made him stop and take notice every time she looked at him.

The same woman that had fucked his best friend and he had walked in on it.

Pulling the bottle away from his lips he looked at it for a quick moment, remembering in his minds eye the day she had brought it home and presented it to him, which had spawned the talk about his past. She had locked the bottle away that night and hardly ever looked at it again unless they were in a romantic frame of mind.

He wondered now if she had done the same with Randy, if because he wasn't an alcoholic, she opened the bottle and spread the love around with him. If they had laughed about John's past, which both of them knew all about, and talked about just how fun it would be to fuck around on him. Had Randy really taken a drink from the bottle he had just put his mouth too and if he had, would John ever be able to wipe the feeling of betrayal off his lips again?

Closing his eyes and feeling the pain take hold of him, the anger overflowing now that they were out of his home, out of his sight, he threw the bottle, watching it with wide eyes as it slammed against the wall and smashed into little pieces.

As he watched the aftermath of the bottle before him he wondered if this was the way things would always be with him. Walking along in life, thinking he had it all when really he had nothing and was no better then he had been over 5 years ago when his life had been about drinking.

Each of the pieces of glass now shattered on the floor symbolized a piece of his heart and mind that had been broken in tatters. He really had loved the woman he gave his heart too and had loved his best friend just as much. And what did he have to show for it?

A broken bottle, a broken home and what felt like the rage of the fiercest animal in the jungle. And nowhere to place it.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary: **John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:**Thank you for any and all attention paid to this fiction. I appreciate it and I hope you like this next installment. Happy Reading!

* * *

**Well I don't have to listen now  
Live this day down**

**If I can't feel a thing **

He didn't know how long had it been but as he awoke from the darkened stupor he had found himself in, he noticed all of the bottles littered around him, some vodka, some wine, some more sherry bottles to match the smashed one across the room and the twenty four of beer that was now placed all over the house.

The door bell was ringing, the one he had gotten put in right after Michelle and him had moved into the apartment just in case they didn't hear the front door knock if they were in the bedroom.

_Bedroom, what a crock of shit._ He thought to himself as he remembered the laughing and teasing way she had brought it up. Now he realized she probably wanted the damn bell so she would know if he was home while she was fucking Randy.

He wasn't sure how long they had been ringing but he knew that whoever it was on the other end of the door he didn't want to see them. Part of him, the heart that was left hoped it was Michelle, that he could have her here and they could talk it out and come to some sort of agreement and move on, but he knew that this time his mind would win out because he wanted nothing to do with her but to strangle her.

Feeling dizzy as he stood to his feet, he shuffled slowly to the door as the bell rang again, almost threatening to break his ear drums. "I'm coming dammit, keep pants on."

Pulling open the door he noticed the two people standing there, neither one of them looking happy to see him. He knew that someone had called them, most likely Randy and they were both there to make sure that the main man in the WWE didn't do something stupid that could end his career. That was all it was about with these guys anyway, them and their damn careers.

"Jesus how much have you drank John?" Hunter asked, pushing his way past the drunken champion and into the apartment that suddenly looked smaller then it has earlier in the night.

Shawn entered the apartment and immediately closed the door, not wanting their conversation to spill out in to the hallway and attract more attention then was already being given. He had been here before, so many times and he knew that in the long run John didn't need any more aggravation. His eyes locked with Hunters then as they both noticed the amount of bottles strewn throughout the house.

"Well look who it is, the drinking police!" John declared, slurring his words as he spoke causing Shawn and Hunter to cast their eyes down to the floor. They had been been there at times in their lives and were embarrassed not only for John but for themselves. Seeing someone else doing what you had done made things that much worse.

"John, you need to get your ass cleaned up. Then Shawn and I are gonna take you out of here." Hunter declared, not taking no for an answer and immediately grabbing John by his shirt and moving towards the bathroom.

"And what if I say to get the fuck out of here? What are you going to do about that?" John spat out, trying to push the older man off of him. He didn't need this right now. What he needed was to be left the fuck alone. He needed to sort through all of this his own way and didn't need these two egotistical assholes making it worse.

"Look man, right now we are the only two friends you got." Shawn interjected, motioning for Hunter to continue the path to the bathroom. If anyone was going to help this man before he completely hit rock bottom, it was going to be them.

After Hunter came out of the washroom, allowing John just the chance to get himself cleaned up and woken up under the colder then hell water, he started to help Shawn pick up the remnants of the drinking binge that John had obviously gone on.

"Do we take this to Vince before it gets worse?" he asked lightly, not sure if he wanted John to be hearing any conversation about what they were going to do."

Shawn shrugged, not at all sure what the right course of action was here. They were only aware of what was going on because Randy had called and told them everything. About his past, about the fact that he had kicked them out of the apartment and that all hell might end of breaking loose. They had both been drinkers in the past, getting into more trouble then they both cared to admit. Vince had known it all then, so Shawn thought maybe he should know now.

"Well Vince spanked our asses into shape didn't he when we hit rock bottom, so I say we let him do it again."

Both men heard the door open then and John exited from the bathroom, towel clung tightly around his waist, water still pouring down his chest. He caught their eye instantly and immediately looked down at the floor. The hour of reckoning was now upon them because now John had recognized just what he had done here.

"Guys I'll be fine." he managed to choke out calmly, his voice wavering slightly and slurring but ignoring it as he continued. "You can get back to your lives now. There won't be another outburst like this again."

Hunter and Shawn exchanged looks and then went back to work at cleaning up the mess around them. John might not believe there would be another incident tonight but they knew different. Having been in bar brawls and attacks they knew that it wouldn't end until someone was clearly injured. Most of all John.

"Sorry man but you're stuck with the two of us, what did you call us again? Drinking Police for the rest of the night."

John rolled his eyes and headed back towards the bedroom. It was then that both men heard the noise and went scrambling for the bedroom where John had just escaped too. When they reached the doorway they saw where the noise had come from.

John was cramped into a ball on the carpeting of the bedroom, his head in his hands and he was clearly breaking down and crying. They exchanged a quick look before helping him out and out of the bedroom and back into the living room which was now the way it had been before the drinking binge started.

"He fucked her right there in my bed." John muttered, repeating it over and over again to himself, ignoring the two men that were now kneeling down beside him.

Hunter spoke then, motioning to Shawn to get the phone which was on the cradle by the door. "Call Stephanie and tell her that there will be another one for the late dinner we had planned. There is no way he can stay here tonight, not if his bedroom is going to break him."

Shawn headed for the phone all the while thinking that if they didn't do something for this man soon, John wouldn't have much of a life to go back too.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** I have found that in starting this story I hate taking breaks from writing it. That very rarely happens with any stories that I have written as of late, so it pleases me to no end that I actually have a love for it.I hope you continue to like where this story goes. Its a new avenue for me but one I think I can tackle with the greatest of ease.

* * *

**You might as well save your goodbyes**

His next memory was waking up on the plane, a severe headache looming on the horizon. He tried with all of his might to open his eyes but the pain just became worse until he closed them again. The sound of the plane in the air was enough to make his already fragile stomach feel worse. If he didn't eat something soon the entire plane was going to see just how much alcohol he had consumed before leaving the house.

Shawn and Hunter were beside him, he knew it, could sense it even and he was none to thrilled about any of it. Why couldn't those two just butt out of his business and go live their lives? They were upstanding men now, leaving the sins of the earth behind them, or so they wanted everyone to believe and he just wanted no part of it.

"Open your eyes and eat whats in front of you." the stern voice of idiot number one said, while number 2 sat by silently no doubt. Just why these two men cared about him was beyond him, he was better off dead.

"Why don't you eat it?" he asked, not giving in and opening his eyes for fear of the pain taking hold again. He was going to have a hangover like no other and he wanted to keep it at bay as long as he could.

"Because I am not the one that drank the entirety of Lake Superior in booze earlier tonight thats why. So just do as your told for once in your miserable life."

_So much for taking it easy on him. _John thought to himself, doing as the man asked and opening his eyes. He came face to face with Hunter then and the look on the mans face said he was none to pleased to be having to babysit him.

Well John was none to pleased with having to deal with these two when he would be better off at the other end of a bottle at home. It might be wrong, hell he knew it was wrong but it had felt so good going down and it had done the one thing that nothing else could and that was make him forget for just a minute what Michelle had done to him. What could the harm be in that if it worked out that well?

"Why the hell are you even here anyway man? Shouldn't you be at home with your family worrying about WWE business?"

Hunter smirked and threw a knowing look over in Shawn's direction. "What do you think this is you idiot? This is the most important WWE business that there is. You are just lucky it was Shawn and I and not Vince. Otherwise you might be fired right about now."

"Yeah well maybe I need to be." John shot back, not giving in to this type of bullying, not for one second. Surely these men had no idea just why he had been drinking, so what did they think they knew about him?

"Well then I'll see about that when I get back to Connecticut."

_Son of a bitch._ He wanted to scream, instead settling for letting the thought run through his mind. He sure was on the way to getting fired if he didn't shut his mouth. Before he had the chance to respond, he heard a ringing coming from Hunter's seat and cast a look toward the man.

"Airplane Cell phone, god love these huh?"

He answered the phone then, tuning John out so he went back to closing his eyes and focusing on something other then the utter mess he was getting himself into. Hunter smacked him on the arm then, bringing his eyes open one more time.

"Its for you."

Passing him the phone, John prepared himself for the worst. Surely no one knew that he was on this flight with the two DX members and he sure wouldn't have wanted to tell anyone. If anyone knew about his past with drinking, how he had been through AA so many times he had lost count surely it would bring the wrath of hell around them all.

"Hello?"

"John thank God you are alright. Look I know what happened earlier was wrong and I think we really need to sit down and talk about this. Please baby, I love you. What happened with me and Randy never should have happened and it will never happen again. You have my word."

He wanted to laugh in spite of himself. Her word? Just how worthy was her word these days? I mean what kind of fool did she take him for? Of course his heart wanted to listen because ever since he had gotten sober, Michelle was the first and only woman he had ever loved, but he knew better. He had to make sure he never gave in.

"You word means shit Michelle. So why don't you just go back to fucking Randy because I don't want any part of this."

He closed the phone and passed it crisply back to Hunter, not bothering to look the man in the eye for a second. When he saw the passing flight attendant, he knew this was his chance to forget her and the stupid phone call all together.

"1 scotch on the rocks please."

The flight attendant smiled and without a second thought went off to fix his drink order. It was then that Hunter spoke again.

"Just what the hell is wrong with you man? You have a past with drinking so you just decide to drink some more? No woman is worth this man. Its good that you learn that now instead of later."

"Hunter, no offense but the last I checked you are not my father, nor are you even family so when I say this I want you to hear me and hear me good. Go fuck yourself."

The flight attendant brought his drink then and he immediately grabbed it from her, letting the thick liquid flow down his throat and through his veins, giving him the strength again to keep on fighting despite the way he felt inside. If Hunter wanted to be a friend to him then he had better leave him alone because tonight, all he wanted to do was drink away the memory of Michelle McCool.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**We can give this train wreck one last ride**

"Daddy is not going to like this one bit guys. I just never knew any of this. Why didn't he tell us this when he joined the company all those years ago?" Stephanie questioned seriously.

They had gotten in hours ago and had put John up in the guest room, of which there were three and he was now sleeping off the ten drinks he had downed on the plane ride to their home. Hunter was at his wits end, knowing that he had no right to stop the man but at the same time wanted to smack him so hard it knocked his teeth down his throat.

He knew what had happened in the apartment hours before, Randy had come clean on all of it, especially because of the fact that he knew John's past and how much of a toll this could take on them all. He knew that Michelle and John were an item as well, as did everyone on the roster. Just what Randy had been thinking was beyond him, but the fact that John had taken it this hard meant there was a lot more beneath the surface then John or anyone had cared to admit.

"The same reason I didn't tell your father or you about my pill use when I had problems with my knees and back. It was easier to hide it then to admit that we had an issue. When I got sober it was something I never wanted to look back on again. My guess is that John felt the same way and now its come back rear its ugly head."

Stephanie nodded her head, knowing the past that Shawn had gone through well enough and also knowing now that what John was going through was almost a mirror image. All she needed to know now though was what had been the trigger to this downward spiral and was John going to be able to be saved?

The fourth party entered the room then, ceasing all conversation and focusing attention solely on them. Hunter was the first to speak, to assure Shawn of what was going on. "Trish came to be with Aurora when Stephanie goes out of town tomorrow."

Shawn just nodded and went back to his coffee at the kitchen table. He had been more then troubled about John and his reaction to the earlier events and he had no easy answers on what to do for him. For Shawn it had been finding the Lord again but he knew that for John, who already believed, it was going to have to be something different.

"What triggered this anyway?" Stephanie asked, passing Trish a cup of tea before taking hers and heading to the table with the rest of the men. When Trish had joined them, the conversation started with what Hunter and Shawn knew about the entire situation.

"We got a call from Randy, apparently him and Michelle had been sleeping together for the past six weeks or so. Well John came home early from his tour and wanted to surprise his girlfriend, with an engagement ring no less. Apparently neither of them knew this was going to take place because John walked in on them in the middle of fucking and all hell broke loose. He asked Michelle and Randy to leave and not be there when he came back. Which was when she found the ring and realized what was going on."

Shawn picked up where Hunter left off after taking a drink and catching his breath. "They left before he got back and that was when they both called me and Hunter respectively. Michelle called me because she knew that John and I were close the last little while and Randy called Hunter."

"Jesus Christ!" Trish muttered, more to herself then to the others at the table. She knew that there was a lot of backstabbing in the background at the WWE but this was just above and beyond anything she had ever heard of.

"My sentiments exactly." hunter managed to choke out. "Look Trish, I would appreciate if you didn't say any of this to anyone else. I'm afraid if this got out it might make things worse then they already are. Remember Amy, Matt and Adam?"

Trish nodded in silent agreement and went back to listening as the rest of them talked more in depth about what they were going to do come morning in terms of the WWE. She found though that she was more concerned with what was going on with John and how he was ever going to deal with this kind of betrayal given his past mistakes.

_He walked into the apartment and saw her standing there, her black teddy showing off every elegant part of her body. When he had bought her the teddy only a few weeks before she had swore that she would surprise him with it and she was definitely doing that now. _

_He walked towards her, the smile she was wearing getting bigger with each step he made until he pulled her into his arms and put his lips to hers, tasting the sweetness of her tongue meshing with his. _

"_Welcome home Soldier." she managed to whisper out as he broke away from the kiss. Not waiting another second, needing to feel this woman beneath him as badly as he needed his next breath, he hoisted her up into his arms and made his way down the hallway towards their bedroom. _

_Kicking open the door and hearing her giggle into his ear he quickly made his way to the bed, placing her down ever so gently and stripping off his shirt, to expose his well built chest before joining her. All of the past week he had imagined this moment, where the two of them would come together as one and make love. _

_He crawled on top of her, careful to watch the amount of weight he put on her small body. He immediately went for her neck then, devouring it with his lips, his tongue and his teeth. He wanted to spend the rest of the night just getting to know her body again, tasting and teasing every inch of it before he had to walk away and go back on the road. _

"_Oh John I missed you so much!" she exclaimed as he moved from her neck down to her pert and ready nipples. _

He awoke with a start then, a sweat breaking out over his body and he reached over to where Michelle would be sleeping beside him. This was not the first time he had a dream about her, a sexual dream at that and he always found that when he did, waking her up was never a problem. She was always ready for him to make love to her, no matter what the hour or how far into sleep she was.

When he patted the bed next to him, he felt nothing but the cold sheet and immediately sat up. It was then that the headache hit him full force and he realized he was not in his bedroom at home but in Hunters home. Michelle would not be in the bed beside him because she was halfway around the other end of the country screwing his best friend behind his back.

_Just what the hell was I thinking?_

He had planned on asking her to marry him tonight before he had walked in on what was so obviously a private moment between Randy and her. He had been willing to finally admit to himself and to the world that this was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life loving. It felt like a kick in the stomach now as he thought about her moaning out Randy's name as he looked on. He had been such a fool.

_Why does my heart hurt so much? Why do I feel as if I am broken?_

Before he could answer that question he saw it, obviously an oversight by the very busy McMahon heir. The shiny bottle sitting on the dresser in all its darkened glory. He slid from the bed then and without a second thought unscrewed the cap off the bottle and let the red liquid take over his senses. With each gulp that he took into his system he saw the image of Michelle making love to him in her black teddy fading away and he realized he couldn't be happier.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**I'm gonna have to listen now  
Live this day down**

"_Don't worry Mom, I'll take Sean with me and drop him off." he said to his mother as he exited the house and ran down the front steps to the car that was now his._

_He was seventeen and able to drive alone without the hassle of a parent in the car with him. This was going to be one of first outings alone with the car and he couldn't be happier about it. So what if he had to drive his youngest brother out to the arcade. All he cared about now was that he was going to be able to pick up Denise in his very own car. _

_He watched his brother strap on his seatbelt, wondering inwardly if he should be doing the same. He knew it was a rule of the road but on these back streets, the way he was going to be taking to get into town, surely he wouldn't get stopped for something small like that. Not to mention the belt around his upper torso always caused him pain and left marks._

"_Can you pick me back up later on?" Sean asked his brother then, as John turned onto the first side street focused on the road ahead and not the person in the car with him. Sean and him were close, that went without saying but right now his mind was on just how far Denise would let him go at this party later that night. _

"_Yeah I guess so." he mumbled as he made another turn, picking up speed as he did so. The minute he revved the car around the turn he saw it, the tractor trailer weaving in and out of traffic, and headed straight for him. As he swerved the car to miss being smacked head on by the erratic truck driver he turned again to his brother. _

"_You alright?"_

_Sean just nodded and went back to playing his electronic toy, something their mother had gone out of her way to buy him the week before. _

_Little did John knew as he dropped his brother off that night in front of the arcade that it wasn't going to be the only time he came face to face with an accident. Only this one was going to turn out a hell of a lot worse for him, and his entire family._

Shaking off the cobwebs he sat up in the bedroom, the strangeness of the room hitting him like a ton of bricks. The headache of the night before had passed and while he was still a little woozy, he felt better equipped to take on the day. One of the biggest days of his life, his first day being single again.

Stretching out his arms, trying to get the feeling back in them, he let his mind go back to the dream he had just been having. One of the darkness moments of his life and his reason then to get better. He had made so many horrible mistakes that night, mistakes that his family was still paying for to this day and ones he was positive he never wanted to repeat again.

His younger brother Sean, the boy who lived for video arcade games and the little pocket hand held he carried around with him, was no long there to enjoy the fame that John had achieved. He was instead lying six feet under in a cold and unloving grave, courtesy of the older brother who claimed to love him. He had no one to blame but himself for the way things had turned out that night and he knew that no matter what he claimed, he hadn't changed a bit since that cold November night.

He had gone to the party and much to his surprise, the party was in full swing, people drinking willingly out of beer cans and even harder drinks like the vodka that was being passed around in the flask. That night hadn't been his first time with drinking, he had become a master quickly the summer before. But that night he had gone out of his way to get drunk and in turn get his girlfriend Denise drunk as well.

Little did he know that he wasn't well enough to drive. So when his brother had called him hours later to come and get him, John had taken Denise and jumped in the car without a second thought.

It would end up being the last time he saw Denise alive, as well as his younger brother Sean because he had crashed the car that night around a telephone pole, bringing both of their short lives to and end and leaving himself with a severely messed up leg.

He had swore then that in their memory he would never drink again, and until the night before he never had. But now, as the memories flooded his senses. The memory of Denise the way she looked that night, his first love relationship ready to take the next step, and then his little brother with a smile so filled with youth and love, he couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach. Then there was Michelle and the look on her face when she had found out that she had been caught with Randy.

Was it so wrong, with all of these horrible memories flooding his thoughts to want a drink? Even the healthiest of men, without the past that he had would surely want a drink after going through all of that.

Without a second thought John got out of the bed and thought about the mission at hand. He needed to get out of his house and find a place where he could drink and drown his sorrows without being found out and getting grief. He knew it was wrong, that it was betraying his brothers memory but he didn't care anymore.

He was better off dead anyway.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**If I don't make things right  
I'll tell you one last time**

Clear on what his goal was, and not wanting to lose focus on it, he made his way out of the room that had housed him that night. The room that in the span of a few hours felt more like a jail cell then the one he had stayed in the week after the accident.

As he made his way down the winding stair case to the main floor, he saw a vision move towards the other end of the house and as he watched, he mistook the stairs below and started to fall down them. Before he could call even more attention to himself, he hit the main floor. He wiped his pants and tried to regain his composure. That was until he saw the vision again in front of him, causing him to lose all sense of space and time.

_Was this real? Was she really there in the house with him now? Could she have really come back for him after what he had done and said?_

Her image consumed him, so much so that he didn't realize that it wasn't the person he wished it to be but someone else that he knew. He quickly went down the hall, chasing what felt like a ghost as she made her way through the house singing and dancing around, something that Michelle had been known to do on more then one occasion when she got into one of her moods.

John wanted to hold her, to bring her into his arms and promise again to love her until the world stopped moving. To make her see that she was good for him, that he was good for her and that together they could take the world on without the bat of an eyelash.

Sure he was still angry, but that was sure to pass. All he cared about now was kissing her, feeling her lips on his, her arms around his body, willing him for more, craving more, so much so that neither of them could think straight.

John touched her shoulders then and she let out a little yelp as she spun around and looked him dead in the eyes. The sight of her now was different but he could still see that it was her. She was really here with him, in Stephanie and Hunter's house and she was really coming back to him. No more Randy Orton, she really wanted to spend her life loving him.

He touched her face, the smoothness of it under his fingertips causing his body to react to her. Her body, after many a work out never looked better and as he caught sight of the sweat now, he thought of nothing more then kissing it away, and wasted no time in doing so.

He put his lips to her forehead then and she quickly backed away, causing John to wonder just what she was running away from. She knew him, she loved him so why was she running scared and backing away from what they shared now?

"John what has gotten into you?" she asked him then and he really stopped and looked at her. In her eyes he saw a sense of something he had never seen before this day. She was afraid of him. As sure as he stood there now, she was mortally afraid and for some reason, it made the desire heighten in him. He needed her more then ever just knowing she was scared of him.

"You have." he stated, his voice a monotone as he pushed her back roughly against the wall, hoisting her legs up around his waist and pushing his body tight against hers. If she wanted to act scared of him, as if she barely knew him, then let her try it pinned against the wall.

"Please John, don't do this. Whatever you are thinking, please don't."

He found that as she spoke the words his blood boiled more. Maybe this was what she liked when she was with Randy all those weeks without him knowing. Maybe Randy was a rough guy when he tried fucking his girlfriend and this was her way of playing along now. Whatever it was it was making his body almost go into convulsions.

He kissed her roughly then, feeling her fighting him, not wanting any part of what he was doing to her and he found the thrill of it even more exotic. She could fight him until the very end but he knew deep down that Michelle wanted this, hell she always did.

She pushed him back then and made a run for the staircase that was only seconds from where they stood and he gave chase after her. She hit the stairs like a cat, taking them two at a time trying with all her might to get away before he could catch up with her. If she could break away from him just long enough then maybe she could make him realize just what the hell he was doing.

"Michelle, stop running from me!" he yelled as he took the stairs equally as fast. He could feel his legs slowly wanting to give out on him, the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed the night before finally taking their effects but he forced himself on. He needed to catch her, to throw her down on the floor and show her just what he could do when given enough motivation.

John caught her as she ran into the bedroom he had just exited from and he threw her down onto the floor. Spinning her around, he took in her face and the frightened and sweaty expression on her face. Somehow she looked different now, not the same girl he had been chasing just seconds ago and trying to kiss at the bottom of the stairs.

_Why is she changing on me now?_

He pinned her to the floor but before he could lean in he heard a voice from behind him, and then two strong hands grab him roughly, throwing him off of the woman he thought to be Michelle and back onto the floor behind them. He hit the floor with a loud thud knocking him back into reality and just what had been happening.

He looked up in time to see Hunter, his face blood red, his eyes showing anger like John had n never seen before and then he cast a look to the woman, to Michelle to see just how she was handling what was happening.

"Hunter, we were just playing a game man. She likes it like this, don't you Michelle?"

Shawn entered the room then, a few seconds short of being on Hunters heels and surveyed the damage in the room. The broken lamp that lay on the floor the only remnants left of what had just taken place.

She spoke then, causing all eyes to turn towards her. "John, I am not Michelle. I tried to tell you to stop downstairs. I can't be Michelle because I'm Trish."

He couldn't believe it as she spoke the words. He had just tried to force himself on Trish Stratus, thinking the entire time it had been Michelle. As Hunter took her from the room and Shawn followed suit, he just fell back to the floor and did the only thing he could...he cried.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** When I first came up with the idea to write a John Cena fiction, I pretty much figured it would turn out to be a fiction that's only quality was that it had John in it and it would get rave reviews because of that fact. But then when I finally let me fingers do the walking, this is the story that broke out, and in doing so, it has captivated me, not only as the writer but as a reader. Im sorry to say that this story is going to remain as a John/Trish story, and Michelle will play a part in the story but they will not end up together. I realize this may make me lose some fans and for that I am sorry but who knows, down the line I might do a story with those two ;) Thanks for reading this story, adding this story as a favorite and for some of you, reviewing, it does mean a lot to me.

* * *

"Is there anything I can get you Trish? Someone you want me to call?"

Hunter was worried, there was no doubt about it. He was responsible for making sure John sobered up and took whatever time he needed to get his head on straight again. What he hadn't expected was that in an instant that responsibility would come back to bite him in the ass.

Who would have ever guessed that John would see Trish and mistake her for Michelle? In his opinion other then the blond hair, they really did look nothing alike. But what had happened a few minutes earlier had been a reality check. Nothing was past the WWE Champion and while he had this young woman in his care, he needed to make sure he kept the two of them apart.

Too bad Trish had other plans.

"I want to talk to John if thats alright?"

Hunter threw a look across the room to where his best friend stood staring at the ex Women's Champion. He was sure that at that moment, that was the last words they both expected to hear out of her mouth. If they hadn't gotten there when they did surely John would have raped her and not given it a second thought. Surely he had just heard wrong.

"Are you sure about this Trish? I mean you do know that he was going to really hurt you if we hadn't shown up when we did right?"

She nodded, not saying another word, clearly in thought about what had just happened upstairs and what she wanted to do about it. Hunter knew that if talking to John was what she really wanted to do there was nothing he could do to stop her, he only hoped she had thought it through. John was his own worst enemy right now.

"I'm sure Hunter really. You said it yourself last night, he is not himself and right now he is living in his own grief. I think since you two don't seem to be having much luck bringing him back that I should give it a try before Stephanie comes home and I need to get back to Toronto."

Shawn stood from where he sat then and followed the younger woman closely as she made her way towards the stairs that would bring her back to where she had almost been attacked a few mere minutes beforehand. He didn't like what she was about to do for one second but he knew that he was powerless to stop it.

When she reached the door she seemed to take stock of what she was about to do and threw a look back at the two prior champions standing behind her, wanting nothing more then to protect her.

"It's okay guys, you can call off the dogs. I don't think I am in any danger now."

They stepped back from the door and let her enter, watching with a sense of foreboding as the door closed silently behind her. Whatever happened now was out of their hands but neither man planned on moving from that spot until it was all said and done. They owed her that much for being too late to stop John earlier.

* * *

He heard the door open and looked up, pulling his head away from his knees and peering through the darkened room to the woman that now stood on the doorway. She hadn't been what he had been expecting when he heard the door open. He had assumed Hunter and Shawn would make their appearance and set him straight.

He had to admit he was happy it wasn't that way now though because he did have so much he had to say to the woman now standing like angel before him.

_I almost forced myself on her, how can words make up for that?_

He had no idea how he was ever going to make up for what had taken place in the room but he knew that if he had to spend the rest of his life doing it, he would do his damnedest to try.

"Trish," he said, his voice choking on the words now, unsure of what exactly to say and how to say it. "I never meant to do what I did, I swear to you. I thought you were Michelle. I know its not an excuse but something is wrong with me and I don't have any other explanation for it."

She knelt down beside him then, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her. It was a gesture that he gladly accepted but for the life of him could not figure out why he was getting. The warmth of her body as she pulled him closer was a feeling over the past day and a half he had wanted to feel.

Michelle had felt like this, on more then one occasion and the longer he went without her, the more he missed that feeling. The feeling of warmth, of acceptance that Trish was now giving back to him in spades. It was almost to much to bear. How she knew what to do was beyond him but he didn't want to give it up for one second.

"I understand John." was all she said, rubbing his back with her small hands, trying to give him as much love and comfort as she could muster. She had been here so many times before, most recently with her relationship with Jeff, or lack of one and she knew how it felt to be cheated on and treated like trash. It made you lose all sense of space and time and sometimes, like in John's case, reality.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" he questioned, pulling away from her embrace and looking the Diva, not much older then him in the eye.

"Because like the rest of the people in this house right now, whether you choose to believe it or not, I care."

As she spoke the words he studied her face, the caring that was shining through her eyes, the gentleness of her touch as she continued to touch him, rubbing his back with her hands and he knew that for once someone was telling him the truth. Trish Stratus, the woman he had almost forced himself on cared about him and for the first time since he had walked in on Michelle and Randy so many hours ago, he felt something more then pain.

He felt love.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**I don't wanna know it's over  
Cause ignorance is bliss **

She helped him off of the spot on the floor that was marked with his tears and motioned for him to walk over to the bed where they could both sit and hash out just what was going on.

"Do you want to tell me about it? Trish asked lightly, not wanting to push him into telling her, not needing him to relive just what had thrown him over the edge but wanting to help in any way she could. She knew deep down that she couldn't save him so she wasn't even going to try. But at the very least when they both walked out of this room tonight, they would both be able to say they said everything they could to make things right again.

Ignoring her question he just looked her dead in the eyes, searching her face for some kind of understanding to the plight that he found himself in and finding a sparkle looking back at him.

_Does she even know that her eyes do that when she opens herself up so completely? Does she have any idea just how stunning a woman she really is?_ He wondered to himself. Surely she did, which was why she was happily taken by a man back in Toronto. He felt his heart sink as he realized the thoughts that he had let rise to the surface. He couldn't possibly think that admiring another Diva would solve his problems with the past and his drinking.

"Have you ever loved someone so much and not been able to keep them? He asked instead, wanting to know if she had ever been in this spot before.

She lowered her head, obviously lost in thought and giving John more time to mull over what had happened in her past that made her so easily shut down and turn away.

"Once." was all she said, a whisper at that.

"How did you survive it?" he pushed. He knew what he was doing and what damage it could cause the woman who had been the only one to understand his pain but now that the words were out, there was no turning back. He found himself aching to understand her as she did him.

"Truthfully John, I guess I never have survived it. I just kind of took my ball and went home."

The memory of that time in her life, when she had tried so valiantly to save a man only to have it shoved right back in her face was still very vivid in her mind. As much as she had tried to put the past behind her, she had told John the truth. She never really had.

**Flashback**

"_Don't do this Jeff. Don't walk away like what we had meant nothing to you. You know damn well that it did!" She cried as he made his way to the door, silently. _

_He had told her that it was over, that she had meant nothing to him and that she never would. That he had to leave and change his life and the way he saw things. The pills had made him say all of that and she knew it. Those damn pills had become his new love, the one that he could not rid himself of no matter how hard she tried to make him do it. _

"_Please Jeff do not walk out that door!"_

_She was pleading, seconds away from getting on her hands and knees and begging him to stay. She didn't care that he loved the medication more then her, all she wanted to do was save him, make him realize just how good they could be together._

_If he would just stay with her tonight, then every tomorrow would be okay because they would fight it together. _

_He turned then, his eyes saying what his mouth just couldn't and she knew there was no turning back from this moment. It was do or die time and Jeff was choosing to die._

_Moving towards her again, her hopes lifted a little, believing in her heart that he was now seeing the error of his ways and was about to come back to her, bring her into his arms and never let go again. _

_She was wrong of course because all he had come back for was the bottle he had left by the bed. And the harsh words he had for her on his exit._

"_You were nothing but a lay to me and its better that you know that now instead of later. The sex was great but Trish, you can't turn a whore into a housewife."_

**End Flashback**

It was like it happened yesterday with the way it made her body shiver. John could feel it even as he sat beside her. She was lost inside herself too, but she just dealt with it differently then him. He chose to drink and she chose to hide inside of herself.

"What did he do to you Trish? What did he do to make you this way?"

Allowing John to put his arms around then, she broke down, the tears staining his shirt, making the place where she rested her head damp and lonely. She had been trying to help him, just like she had tried to help Jeff all those years ago and she was failing.

"He loved someone..or rather something else." she said through her tears, her breathing finally starting to slow down and move in the same beat as John's own.

_So she has been here before, on the brink of the end with no hope in sight. _

He found that as he listened to her tell him just what Jeff had done to her, that his anger level was rising. He would like nothing more then to find that son of a bitch and make him pay for what he had done to this woman. Much the way he wished the same for Michelle and Randy.

"She slept with Randy and I happened to walk in on it, shattering my hopes of a happy family." he let slip then, wanting to break her of her pain and wanting to release some of his own. Right now there were no other two people on this earth then the two that remained in the scarcely lit room.

She moved then, slipping her head away from his chest and his beating heart, and moving up to look at his face, to see the emotion etched there and to try her hardest to make it go away. What she wouldn't give to save him from himself.

_But you can only fail the way you did with Jeff. You cannot save the ones that do not want to be saved._

As much truth as the words meant for her, she knew that this time was different and that John was not Jeff. She had learned along the way that while you couldn't save the ones that didn't want to be saved, that sometimes you had to help the ones that did.

Putting her hand on his cheek she said the only rational thought she had flowing through her mind in that moment, the words she had wanted to say since she had entered the room and the only thing that truly made sense.

"Come home with me to Toronto John. Maybe its time we help each other heal."

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**I can hardly see  
What's in front of me  
Cause the vodka's running on empty **

The building was long, the brick having been placed what seemed like over thirty years ago. People milled around outside, smoking cigarettes, pacing back and forth, lost in translation. He wanted to turn around and run back the way he had come but he knew that the woman beside him wouldn't let him. She cared to much about him to let him run from his demons.

"Tell me again why I need to do this? I don't have a problem." John stated, as if it was a matter of fact. This wasn't going to help him at all if he couldn't admit to it right? Denial was not one of the steps.

The minute he looked at her he wanted to take back his words. She had been here before, with Jeff Hardy when he had his addiction to pain medication but she wasn't able to get him the help he so obviously needed then. With him she hoped to make up for that. He could see it written all over her face. Which only made him want a drink more.

Pity.

That was the last thing he wanted from anyone, least of all her. Not when she understood better then anyone just why he was here. But at the moment he was out of options and since he was in a city, a part of town anyway that he didn't know, he knew he was stuck.

"John I know you think you can do this alone. I also know you think that you don't have anything wrong but what happened at Hunter's tells me otherwise. You know it too otherwise you wouldn't have come here to Toronto at all."

What happened at Hunters. It all seemed like such a bad dream now, almost four days after it had happened. Something he swore deep inside he would never repeat.

_He almost raped Trish Stratus._

God what was wrong with him? How could he have even thought for one second this wonderful woman standing beside him, her hand entwined with his could ever be the cold hearted bitch that Michelle had turned out to be? They were nothing alike.

How had he not seen it? The terror that had been in her eyes that day. How could he have missed it and missed the tears that followed as Hunter pulled her out of the room.

_Yeah a drink wouldn't be so bad right now. It could make me forget._

"Do you want me to come in there with you?" she asked, squeezing his hand lightly to bring him back from wherever he had gone. She could see the displacement in his eyes and knew that wherever he was, it was not where he needed to be. He was living in his past again, the darkness of it and she needed to rescue him before he fell deeper.

He shook his head, telling her silently that he didn't need her to sit beside him like a mother would her son. He could do this, even if it was only for her and he would be okay.

As he entered the building, through the rusted down door, he saw the fate that awaited him in a small semi circle in the middle of the room. He took a deep breath as he passed through the threshold of the room. It was now or never.

**Flashback**

"_Come on John Boy, drink up!" his friend Patrick said, passing him another beer, watching as the young Cena sucked the liquid down his throat. Banging the beer can against his forehead, he let it fall to the floor a smile taking over his features._

"_Who wants to do tiki shots?" Denise yelled above the music, garnering everyones attention and having it be focused directly on her. _

"_**God she is so good looking."** he thought to himself as he watched his girlfriends body move around the table, pouring shots of tequila into the table full of shot glasses. Just what he had done to get a girl like this was beyond him but she was well worth the trip._

_Wrapping his arms around her, the sweat from her body, developing after dancing under the hot lights with him earlier transferring to his body, made his body instantly crave more then just a shot glass. _

_He kissed her delicately on her neck, taking great care as he sucked, letting the pressure develop a pink spot on her neck. _

"_**I want to leave more then a pink mark on this girl. I want to mark her as mine forever."** he thought again as she responded to his kiss with a giggle._

"_Is there someplace we can go and be alone for awhile John asked, taking the shot glass from her hands and pounding it back without a second thought._

_Ever the tease, Denise put her hand on the crotch of his jeans, slowly letting her fingers run up and down the length of his very turned on manhood. _

_He sucked in a deep breath as he let himself enjoy the feeling of her hands on his body and secretly begged for more. If he didn't soon get some time alone with this girl he was going to lose his mind._

"_Follow me." she said with a wink, sashaying away from him, her hand leaving his pants and making her way toward the stairs. Eager to find out what she had in mind he followed her but before he could get to the door she had just walked through, he heard his name being called from down at the bottom of the stairs._

"_Guy says he's your brother and that you promised you would pick him up." Gary, another one of his buddies from the football team said, just as he was about to ignore it and follow Denise._

"_Tell him I'll be there soon." was all he said as he made his way down the stairs. He grabbed another shot glass from the kitchen counter. Sucking it back quickly, he made a mad dash for the door._

_If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was be late to get his little brother. Family was everything to him._

_Denise had followed him out to the car that night and came along for the ride. Little did he know then that it would be the last time he would ever see either of them alive again._

**End Flashback**

As he watched all of the people entering from the outside of the building, he realized that the meeting was due to start any minute. Looking at his watch and back again at the people gathering in the chairs around him he realized just how out of place he felt.

Grabbing his coat off the back of the chair, and without a word to anyone he walked back out into the sunshine of the late June day. She wouldn't be back to get him for at least another hour and by then he would be back and waiting for her. That was long enough for one drink to numb the pain of the past wasn't it?

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**I can't stay sober  
If it's over **

_Sometimes it paid to be the WWE Champion._ John thought to himself as he put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot of the bar he had just spent more then two hours in.

A fan had spotted him upon entry and instead of being the WWE persona, he decided to be himself and within the first hour he had the mans car keys. To say the man was a little too trusting was an understatement, but it was too late to go back on it now.

He had needed the drive, the wide open spaces of being on the road, alone with his own thoughts. Which he seemed to have many of. First there were the flashbacks of the night he had killed his brother and girlfriend in a car much like this one after drinking just a little too much. Then the aftermath of it all and the extensive rehab he had gone though. Then walking in on his girlfriend while she had been in the middle of going down on someone he had considered his best friend, Randy fucking Orton.

That was where the pain ended though, replaced by something he could not put a label on. Sure there had been more dark moments after what had happened back in Boston, but it was as if his mind would not let him think about them the way he had been in the past. He knew why too and it all had to do with Trish.

Trish Stratus, previous Women's Champion and all around champion for the lost causes of the world. She stood for everything that he held dear in his mind and his heart and just having the ability to say that he knew her made it his pleasure. She was destined to change the world, one innocent person at a time and he sure wished he could be there at the end of it all to tell her just what he thought.

There was no denying as well that she was stunning, from her small build body, which seemed to have all the right curves in the right places, to the blondness of her hair as it wrapped down around her back. His mind visualized the way she had looked that night bringing him to the AA meeting, her hair blowing in the wind, making her look almost like a dream sequence. Her face had been lit up, with very letting makeup and she just was the personification of beauty.

_Which is why you feel bad for going against her and heading here instead._

That was true and as he drove along, his speed staying steady with the flow of traffic, he wished that of all the people he had done it too it had been someone other then her. She would no doubt be hurt by this and he was for sure wrecking a really great friendship but the more he thought about it the more he realized he was undeserving of friends, especially ones such as her. Ones that would change the world.

He pushed the button, turning the radio up louder, wanting so much to rock out to the music that was now blasting through the car and into the street while he had the windows down. His vision was starting to get blurry but he could recognize that song without looking at the dial of the satellite radio station. It was a song he had listened to more then once since the night his brother had died. It had been one of Sean's favorites and there was no way he would turn the station now.

He owed that much to his younger brother, who was lying six feet under because of his lack of control.

He heard the car horn then and turned around to see just what was going on behind him. He noticed the black car pushing up on him, the person driving still laying on the horn. The louder the horn seemed to get, the more on edge John started to get, causing him for a mere second to horn the bastard back.

He turned around in the car then and that was when he saw what was about to happen. The cars before him had started to slow down and as he made a quick check of the speedometer, he realized he was not going to have enough time to slow down. Laying on the horn for all he was worth he started to yell through the car window, open with the wind flying through it.

"Move!! I can't Stop the car!!!" he slammed on the brakes then, wishing with all that was in him that he had enough time to stop the car before someone seriously got injured. He heard the squeal of the tires, and the break pads meshing together and knew that there wasn't enough time.

As the world started to go black around him, he heard the sound of glass smashing and he realized that he had finally stopped moving because he had hit something. His last thought as he passed out was he hoped this time it was him who would die instead of the innocent people in the car in front of him.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**(I don't wanna know)  
(I don't wanna know)  
(I don't wanna know) **

_Where the hell was he?_ Trish asked as she watched all of the people make their exits from the closed door meeting and get into their cars, all headed for a destination away from the spot where she now stood. _Could it be possible that he was discovered and he is being hounded by hopeless fans? At an AA meeting no less?_

Not wanting to wait any longer she entered the building and took in the vast space in front of her. The crowd that had been coming out of the building had left this place desolate, which meant that John couldn't possibly be here. _Did he go home without me?_

She was about to leave when she heard someone call her name softly from the other side of the room. Motioning with their hands to come over she followed orders and made her way quickly over to where the person stood. Maybe they had some news about where John had gone and why he hadn't waited for her to return.

"You're Trish Status right?"

She nodded her head and the man proceeded to give her a rolled up piece of paper. Without another word he headed off in the direction of the door. His job obviously done for the day, making him able to leave and go back to his life, whatever it was.

She unfolded the piece of paper and read it, her heart sinking as the words sunk in. To be sure that she wasn't just imagining things she read it over again, her eyes scanning for some sort of clue as to just what had gotten into him.

_Trish, _

_If you're reading this then I didn't make it back in time to meet you at the door. I'm sorry but I just couldn't do this. Thank you for putting so much faith into me but I just can't be what you want me to be. The memories won't stop, they keep flooding my conscious hours so I need to escape, but please don't worry about me. I will be fine._

_J.C_

What memories was he talking about? The incident with Michelle and Randy? Was it possible that as hard as she tried to make him have some peace away from them, they had caught up and really taken him apart again? Where did he go and just how was she supposed to find him?

The cryptic way the message was written told her for sure that wherever he had gone, it was not going to end very well. There was no where John could go right now, while he was running from himself that would help him. She only hoped that she had nothing to worry about and he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere, breathing in his last breath.

Little did she know that that was exactly where he was at that moment, begging to be saved so he could make it all up to her and renew her faith in him.

* * *

Having gone home from the AA meeting, all the while letting insane thoughts flow through her head about what John had to be doing right at that moment, she pulled into the drive and felt the vibration on her phone go off.

Pulling the car to a complete stop she grabbed the phone off the attached belt and flipped it open. The number was one that she had never seen before but that wasn't such a shock as numbers not in her callers list always showed up as private names. Pushing the talk button she waited to hear the voice before speaking.

"Is this Trish Stratus?"

"Yes it is. Who is this?"

"Ma'am, my name is Ryan Walker and I am a constable with the OPP. We are at the scene of a two car accident and one of the victims was asking for you."

_A Person had been in an accident and had given the police her name and number? Just who would do that? Surely it wasn't her family, they had flown out of town for a vacation only the week before. _Before she could get the chance to ask, it came to her. The only other person that knew her cell number was John as she had just given it to him today. But just how had he gotten into a car accident when he didn't have a car here?

"Who was involved in the accident and what exactly happened?"

"John Cena ma'am. The WWE Superstar, the real deal if you know what I mean." She did of course because there was always some fanatic who looked a little like them going around pretending to be them to get off from serious things. She understood more then the poor cop knew.

"Where is John now? Is he alright? What is going on?"

"He was taken to Mount Sinai hospital, I am sure you know where that is and he is listed in stable condition as of the time he left the scene. The two people in the car that he hit didn't have the same fate though I'm afraid."

She was astounded by what the police officer was telling her. How could John have gotten a car and smashed it, killing two people? Just where had he gotten the car? Surely the police had this backwards. He must have just been travelling with someone else.

"I think you must be mistaken because John Cena does not have a car."

The officer paused, flipping through what sounded like a notebook before speaking again. "The car belonged to a man at the bar that John was apparently at earlier in the night. He is here now and being questioned. "

_So John had taken someones car, after drinking at a bar and then driven it into someone, possibly killing them?_ It seemed almost too surreal to believe.

"You said he was at Mount Sinai?" She asked, wanting to get to John and find out just what was going on. There was no way this could all be happening to him or to both of them right now. It just didn't seem real.

"Yes Ma'am and he requested that we inform you immediately."

"Is he alright though, I mean is he going to make it?"

"Yes Ma'am he is in perfect health aside from the bump on his head and a few abrasions."

She thanked the officer and hung up the phone, throwing it back on the seat beside her before pulling back out of her driveway and squealing down the street. The police officer had said he was fine but she had a lot of questions and the only person that could answer them was John. Not to mention when she saw him, if he was fine she was going to kill him herself.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**So save your goodbye kiss **

She passed through the hospital doors like a woman on a mission. Sliding in and around people as they all walked in different directions, she searched for the nursing station. She knew that when she found it, they would provide her with John's room number and any information that they could given that she was not family. She really needed to know that he was alright. Once she found that out, well then she could kill him.

_Or just kiss him._

She shook her head. This way not the time for her inner voice to be kicking in with it's crazy ideas. She didn't think of John that way and she doubted she ever really would. She just knew the man needed a friend and she wanted to be that and more for him right now. But it still didn't mean she couldn't kill him for acting so recklessly.

Spotting the nurses station she made a beeline for it, almost getting side swiped by a rolling wheelchair. Skidding out of the way just in time, she made her way up to where a friendly enough looking nurse stood checking paperwork.

"Can I help you young lady?" the older woman asked, sizing Trish up. She could only assume the nurse did this because she was trying to mentally figure out who she might be there to see.

"Yes I just got a call from a police officer saying that they had brought John Cena here by ambulance after a car accident. They didn't tell me anything other then that. Can you tell me where he is and if he is alright?"

The woman came out from behind the desk then and put her arms around Trish's shoulder in a motherly gesture. She had seen so many young women like this every day and it broke her heart to think that this man could have died and left someone as pretty as her lonely.

"I'll take you too him dear but you need to calm yourself first because it will not do him a lick of good to see you this way."

Trish just nodded and followed along silently as the woman showed her to the room they had put John into. When the door opened, she saw him, in the first bed by the door, machines hooked up to him and a monitor signaling his blood pressure beeping beside him. She had been in hospitals before but not for anything this serious. The thought of being here now was making her sick.

John just had to be alright, there was no other way around it. She wouldn't allow him to die on her. Not when there was so much left unsaid.

"Push that little red button by the bed should you need anything. I will leave you two lovebirds alone."

Trish waved slightly with a small smile as the nurse left the room. When the door was shut and she was sure that the nurse was gone, she sat down in the vacant chair by his beside and took his hand into hers. His skin felt rough, scaly even, as if he had been working a roofing or construction job. She had never noticed it before but he had little markings, old scars from his childhood no doubt covering his hands.

_Just what kind of life did you lead John? What happened to make you fall this far?_

"John, if you can here me, its Trish. I came just like you wanted me too. Look you can't leave me alright? You need to wake up and come back to me because I need to know just why you chose to act so foolishly and I am not leaving here until I hear you say it."

She felt a gentle squeeze on her fingers then and looked to his face for some sort of sign of life. Sure he was alive, the sounds of the machine calmly told her that but feeling what she had just felt, it gave her hope that the police officer had been right all the long. He was going to be fine. His eyes fluttered then, causing her to almost jump out of her chair with fright.

It was something she had wanted since she had heard about the accident but it almost felt like he had planned to open his eyes at that particular time on purpose.

"Tr.." he coughed, clearing his throat before trying again. "Trish, they called you?"

"Yes John they did."

His eyes shone with recognition for what had happened out on the road mere hours before and he looked down, not able to meet her eyes for fear of seeing anger, sadness and most of all disappointment there. She had put her faith in him, had wanted to help him and now this is where they stood.

"The people in the other car, did they make it?" he choked out, his voice fine to speak with but choked up with emotion of what he had caused by his stupidity.

Trish caught his eye then and it was like he could see right through her. Her eyes shone with the answers that he had already known but hadn't wanted to acknowledge. He had gotten wasted, trying to block out the painful past he had endured and now two people were dead in another car accident because of it.

"What have I done?" John cried, tears starting to build in the corners of his eyes. He was a strong man and not much made him teary eyed but with the way he had been acting lately, it seemed to call for it. That poor couple that had been in the car had died because he just couldn't control the anger, and the sadness that flowed through his bones.

"John, it's going to be alright. We are going to get through this." Trish said, putting her hand through his and rubbing her fingers along the length of his in an act of ultimate calming.

He was taken aback by what she had said. He assumed that when she came here she would do nothing but yell at him for what he had done. He had killed two people and yet Trish was here with him, the understanding that happened the night of the attack still there in her eyes. She really did mean it when she said the word we.

"Why are you even staying with me Trish?"

She thought long and hard about the answer to that question. Surely she was crazy for wanting to stick by a man that might go to prison for the actions he caused tonight. But at that moment she didn't care anymore. She felt something when she was with John, something that no other man, including her ex Ron could ever come close too. She felt comfortable with him, safe even and felt that once she got him help, she could help make him a better person.

Well quite frankly, after spending all of her time lately with this man since he had come home with her, she realized it was more then just a wonderful friendship feeling that she had.

She realized with clarity that she loved him.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** This story is picking up now. I think with the last incident with John that the time for dramatics had ended and now the time has come to focus more on what I am good at and that is falling in love with my characters as they learn about love. So look for the new few chapters to contain things that are serious and that will make the story go along smoothly but also for the romance to grow bit by bit until it all comes in with one big crash. LOL Thank you for all of the support and for those of you that added this story to your favorites, its a real honor believe me. Better then any amount of reviews. Happy Reading.

* * *

**I woke up with a heartbeat in my head **

"_Just what were you thinking? Why in the world did you get behind the wheel? With your younger brother no less!" His mother yelled at him, shaking her head as her hands shook under the pressure of the news of the accident. How he had lived through the accident with nothing more then a scratch was beyond him. As he stood listening to her now he had wished it had been him instead of the two people he cared about most._

"_Mom, I don't know what I was thinking."_

"_You're damn right you didn't because a sensible and smart man like you shouldn't be doing things like this. Not only is your brother in intensive care, but you killed your girlfriend, a girl that had a long life ahead of her. Do you realize what is going to happen to you?"_

_He knew alright. He was destined for a jail sentence and at that minute he knew it was better then the alternative. Staying out and living his life was something he knew he would never be able to do. He would never be happy knowing that on that fateful night he had killed the woman he loved and his younger brother. All Sean had wanted to do was go and play video games and then come home. Now he may never make it home. Whether he lived through the night was unclear but John knew that he was dead inside and that was all that mattered._

_**I deserve to be the one headed for a pine box.**_ _He thought to himself, hanging his head in his hands to push out the sounds of his mothers sobbing and yelling in his ears. He knew what he had done, and he was going to live with that forever, but couldn't she for one second be thankful that it wasn't him that was dead?_

"_John, your father and I have done a lot of praying and talking about this over the past few weeks. We saw the changes in you and instead of coming to you with it, we assumed that you would come to us before something horrible happened. Well that time has come and in light of what has happened, I think its time we faced facts. You need help. And we aren't strong enough to get you through it."_

_What was she getting at? He knew what he had done but the way she was talking was like she wished he had died in the accident tonight. She couldn't be thinking about sending him away could she? She wouldn't do that. Not to the boy she considered her prodigy._

"_When your father comes home from the hospital, he is going to drive you to the airport. You will then be put into Promises treatment center. John whether you want to admit it or not, you have a problem. You are addicted to alcohol."_

_They sent him away the next day, on the first flight out to Beverly Hills. Promises was said to be one of the best treatment locations around and lord knows his parents believed he needed it. Deep down he wasn't mad though because the more time he had to go over that night, the night before when he had killed his girlfriend and left his brother a shell of himself, he knew that they were right. He needed help so that no one ever ended up this way again and he was damned sure going to do it. Not for him but the memory of Denise and Sean. They deserved it._

He awoke with a start, letting out a primal scream before being held down by the woman who was sitting beside his bed, obviously worn out and tired but not wanting to leave him alone.

She looked just as good as she had the night before when she showed up in his room and he wanted to tell her that, but knew after all that he had done, it wasn't right to say. He owed her so much, for being there then, when he had almost raped her and being there now when he was surely going to go to jail for what he had done.

The dream was still very vivid in his mind but he knew that it wasn't just a dream, it was fact. He had gone to Promises and he had gone through a six month long sentence so that he didn't have to do jail time. He also worked with teens that had drinking problems and had really tried to better his life. When he started working with the WWE he continued his good deeds all in the name of his younger brother Sean, who had died on a hospital bed two days after he was shipped off.

_I failed you Sean and for that I don't deserve to live._ He thought to himself as his eyes sat locked with hers. Trish Stratus was here and she looked like she had something on her mind.

"Where were you just now John?" she asked quietly, pushing him with her mind to talk to her and tell her everything that was making him act the way that he was.

"I was dreaming of my brother. One of my brothers anyway."

She brightened at the thought of a dream about his family. He hadn't said much about them since they had known each other and even in the last few days there was no word from them, no sign that they even existed.

"What was the dream about?"

"The night I killed him in a car accident after driving drunk. Trish, I swore it would never happen again and yet here I sit in a hospital bed, lucky to be alive while another family has to bury people they care about."

She sat on the corner of his bed then and wrapped her arms around him gently as not to push into the scars that lasted from the accident. He found that as she rubbed his back that he felt the same way he had at Hunters house. He felt safe and his breathing didn't seem to labored because with her he didn't have to try so hard. He could be him and she would accept it.

She pulled back then and looked him in the eyes. Touching his cheek with her fingertips, she smiled lightly. As bad as he looked right now she could still see the reason why all of the female fans seemed to like him. He had this way about him that even when he was broken and bruised, he still looked strong and soft. His heart was no doubt breaking for the family in the accident and she had so many things that she wanted to say to him, things that might make him take this a little easier and not cause another brush off. She didn't want him to pull away again. That was her greatest fear.

Without much thought on either of their parts, John reached up and put his hand on her fingers as they still remained on his face. "Trish, please promise me you will never leave. For the first time in my life I know what I need and I need you."

She put her lips gently to his then, feeling the cracked feeling and using her tongue gently to wet them. Her heartbeat picked up speed as their lips touched and she realized with a great deal of certainty that for once, it wasn't all about what she could do for him. It was what they needed to do for each other.

What she wanted most was for them both to heal each other.

As she broke away from the kiss she looked deep into his eyes and uttered the words that her heart wanted her to speak. "I promise."

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** Have I mentioned how grateful I am for all of the support for this fiction? If I haven't thank you all very much. This chapter will take a more serious feel as John is going to be dealing with some serious ramifications from the deaths of the people in the other car. So look for that to be paramount in this chapter and a few chapters after that. It's only fair that we deal with it because I did write it that way. LOL. Do not worry though, the romance that is starting to build between Trish and him will still continue to be prevalent.

* * *

**I reached for the bottle by the bed  
I saw your side was not slept in **

"How does it feel to be out of the hospital and back to the land of the living?" Trish asked him as she pulled the car into her driveway and put the car in park before turning off the ignition. She turned to him then and noticed that he looked like hell. It had not been an easy few days for him and she knew that with what would happen now, it wasn't going to get any easier. She just wished there was more that she could do for him.

His eyes met hers and he tried to flash a small smile. He wanted so much to push the car accident out of his mind, just for a small second as she had been trying to do but he knew it was impossible. He had already gotten a call this morning saying that the DA wanted to meet him with to go over what the charges are that he was facing. Which meant it was only a matter of time before he went into custody.

_Went into Police Custody._ He thought to himself as he looked at the small woman beside him, still behind the wheel of her car but looking at him for answers. What could he possibly give her if he was destined to pay for his crimes? _You cannot give her anything._ He sighed inwardly and realized that those were the truest words his mind had spoken in weeks. If only he had listened to his mind the night of the accident and none of this would be happening right now.

"I don't know what it feels like Trish because I forgot what it's like to really live."

She put her head down then and John instantly felt horrible. It was not her fault that he was in this situation again and he knew he shouldn't be treating her the way he was, as if she had planned it. If anything she was the only person that he trusted enough to get him out of it.

"You are upset about that call from Vince aren't you John?" She asked him, placing her hand on top of his in a gesture of understanding, something which she understood better then anyone.

He nodded silently and ran his fingers over hers, trying to stay as calm as possible. "I can't believe that I have to forfeit the belt in the middle of the ring tomorrow night. I mean I know I deserve it but I guess I was hoping this was all just a bad dream ya know?"

"I know John but we are going to do whatever it takes to get through this alright? Remember we made a promise to each other? Whatever happens we are not going to give up. We are going to fight."

He nodded again, astounded by the fact that the woman before him believed in him that much and was willing to stand by him no matter what. Since the kiss at the hospital a few days before, they hadn't really talked about what was going on between them and he found that as much as he wanted too he was afraid of the answer. She was there with him now though, which meant something. At the very least she was his friend and he didn't have too many of those at the moment.

"What time did the lawyer say he was going to meet us here?" she asked him bringing him away from the thoughts of them and back to the thoughts of his apparent fate.

"Noon, what time is it now?"

She looked at her watch and then back at the man beside her. She had enough time to say what she wanted to say and she only hoped that John was open to hearing it. The past few days, as she had gone home alone, while he stayed in for further testing she had been wondering about what had happened when they kissed and what exactly it meant for them and this journey they were now on together. She had wanted to bring it up before now but knowing that the DA was going to be stopping in for a visit and a talk about the charges, she just didn't know when the right time really was. Now seemed better then nothing though.

"Eleven. Look can we talk about something else for a minute before he gets here?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Have you talked to Michelle lately?" Trish asked, knowing she had to start somewhere and figuring this was better then nothing, Not to mention that she had talked to Randy so she had know if Michelle had done the same with him.

"No and to be honest Trish, I don't really want too. The wounds are still wide open from what happened and really it's not something I can just turn away from and pretend never happened. I loved her, wanted to marry her and she cheated on me and threw me away like I didn't matter. No matter what she says, that is what she did."

Trish nodded silently and began fiddling with her fingers. It was something she did when she nervous and that was something she most definitely was now.

"John look, about that kiss..." before she had a chance finish he interrupted her, thinking he knew where she was going to go with it and not wanting to deal with another heartbreak now. Not when he was still so dependent on drinking to get him through.

"Trish don't worry about it, it was just something that happened."

"But what if it wasn't John? What then?" she asked, throwing it out there without a second thought. If he thought for a second that he was going to be able to blow off what they had shared he had another thing coming. She wasn't in the mood to hurt him or have him hurt her. They had already been through enough of that.

'What are you saying? That what happened actually meant something to you?"

"Yes John, if that was what I was getting at, what would you say?"

He thought about it long and hard, surprised that they were having this talk only mere minutes before the DA was due on their doorstep. Well her doorstep anyway. What would he say to her? What would he say that would make any sense given the fact that he was due to go away for more then twenty five years for what he had caused? Could he really give her empty promises?

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that for the first time since Michelle, when you and I kissed I actually felt something other then bile rise in my stomach? That I felt heat but I also felt a butterfly effect and a feeling of love as well? Do you want me to declare my love for you when I might not even see the light of day like this again for the rest of my life? Trish really, what can I say here that would warm your heart?"

she shifted back in the car then and unlocked the door. She knew he didn't mean anything he was saying to her right now and that he didn't want to give her anything to hope for when his life was virtually hopeless at the moment but the way the words had come out had cut her deeper then any knife ever could. He had sounded like Jeff in that moment and that was something she just could not go through again. She ran from the car then, and pushed her way into the house, leaving John in the car to ponder just what he had done.

"Damn it! Why do I keep saying and doing everything wrong?"

He smashed his hand on the dashboard then, his anger finally boiling over into a fever pitch. Why did he have to say it the way he had when the real thing he had wanted to say was that the kiss had meant everything to him and he wanted to see where it would go from there? That he wanted to take his time and let them find out about each other the proper way?

Most of all he hated himself for not telling her that the real reason he was being a dick was not because of where he might end up but because of where he was ending up right now and that was falling in love with someone that he knew he didn't have a stone cold chance of holding onto.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**Cold sheets again  
Remind me of what you said **

"I am an idiot." John said as he entered the kitchen and took sight of Trish sitting at the table with a cup of hot tea. He knew this to be something she liked to do because she had told him earlier in the week when he had arrived at her house from Hunters. He knew it was something she did to calm her nerves and the knot in the pit of his stomach got bigger at the reason for nerves being frazzled to begin with. It all had to do with him.

_What good am I to a woman like this when all I do is cause her pain?_

He had asked himself numerous times this same question and he still hadn't come up with answer. All he could hope for was that she was destined to make him a better man then he had been thus far. That was more then enough reason for him to stay where he was.

"You think?" she said, not even casting a look in his direction.

"Can we talk about what happened back there?"

"That depends John. Can you actually tell me whats in your heart this time instead of what you think I need to hear? Did it ever occur to you at all that for once I might want to hear what a man feels instead of what he thinks I want to hear?"

He sat at the table and took her hand from around the coffee cup and put into his own. She was angry and she had every right to be but this was do or die time. He had the chance to admit how he had been feeling these past few days to her now, and have her accept whatever that was at face value. There was no turning back for him now.

"I want to tell you everything, what I feel and why I feel it but you need to open your mind alright? It's time I told you about me, the real me."

She looked up and with a small smile nodded her head. She had now opened the door to him again and he was damn sure he wasn't going to slam it back in her face.

"Remember that night at the hospital when i told you that I had a dream about my brother?"

She nodded and he continued. "Well there is a lot to the story. I was drinking pretty heavily back then and I had gone to this party with my then girlfriend Denise. Well we were doing shots, smashing back beers and the whole bit and I got a call to go and pick up my brother from the arcade. He was my little brother Sean and he lived to play those games. Thats probably why I go so crazy when the WWE makes the games because I do it for him."

He took a breath, studied her face for some sort of sign that she was interested in hearing this and listening. She moved her hands, motioning for him to continue so he did.

"I went to pick him up and on the way home, I got into a serious crash and I wrapped the car around a pole. Both of them were hurt pretty bad but I walked away with a few cuts and that was it. Sean died three days later in the hospital and Denise died instantly. All because I got behind the wheel of a car and drank and didn't care. Well I was sent to Promises Treatment Center two days after the accident and I never returned home again until just a few years ago."

"Oh God John, why didn't you tell me this before? So this is what you have been reliving the last few days, a week even and then with Michelle and Randy eating at you, you hit bottom."

He nodded and again got ready to speak. "I guess the reason I am so out of touch with my feelings is because I did something stupid back then and my brother paid the price. I got sober, I promised never to do that again and I didn't until the night I walked in on Randy and Michelle in the act of fucking each other. Then it all came flooding back to me and well now I am in the same place I was then but this time, I am not a kid and I could go away for the rest of my life."

"What does that have to do with us John?"

"I do not want to love you and then leave you for the rest of my life. I do not want to be the person who has his wife visit him in prison on weekends because he killed innocent people. Not to mention I do not want to love you and not be able to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. Does that make sense to you?"

Looking deep into his eyes, she put her hands to his face, wiping away at the corners of his eyes as she saw the tears forming but not yet fallen. The man before her was going through hell and he didn't see it getting any better. Of course she understood why he was the way he was with her earlier and every day before that. It all made sense now. But the important thing to remember now was that whatever happened next was something she wanted to happen and that wasn't going to change because she may lose him to a life sentence.

"Are you saying that you love me John?"

He turned his eyes away from hers and tried to move his head as well but she pushed it with her hands and made him look her again directly in the eye. He may want to run from this right now but there was no way she was going to let him. She needed to hear this as much as he needed to say it. Before the time passed and it was too late to do anything anymore.

"If it's possible to love someone after only a few days of being with them, even though we worked together for years before that, then yes Trish. I think I might be falling in love with you and to be honest it scares the hell out of me."

She wasted no time speaking again, not wanting to let this momentous moment pass. "John I am scared too. For so many reasons. We were friends before this and we will always be friends no matter what but changing from that into something else is scary. So is losing you in any capacity. But I know what I feel and in much the same way as you, I love you."

The doorbell rang then, giving them both pause, but not taking their eyes off of the other. They knew who was at the door and that the person there would hold the fate of the now ex WWE Champion in his hands, but with what they had just admitted to one another, neither of them seemed to care. Something was unfinished between them and neither could move until that was changed.

Their lips met then and what could only be described as fireworks exploded between them as they both, lonely and hungry for each other grasped on, not looking back. Their tongues met in the middle and tasted each other, causing John to let out a throaty moan. He had never felt something this powerful in his life and as the ringing of the door kept trying to break them free, he knew he never would again. He wanted this woman more then anything in his life.

Breaking away from the kiss, giving them both the breathing room to compose themselves, he looked at her, really looked at her and for once saw something that he had never seen in all of the years they had worked together. In that moment there was a twinkle in her eye, along with the moistness of tears that had not been shed and her face just glowed. It was like a vision most people only read about and now it was standing right before him in infinite glory. She was like an angel in disguise, and she had already started to save him more then he ever thought possible. In that moment he realized it.

He was over Michelle McCool forever.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Note:** Remember a few chapters back when I said the fallout with the actual crime that happened would take place? Well it didn't because I wanted to work on the romance. So what you will see here now is the talk with the District Attorney. Whether or not he goes to jail will be revealed in this chapter and then the fallout of it will continue later in the chapters. Thank you for all the support, it has been a blast writing this, not only for you all but for me as well. Happy Reading!

* * *

**We need to take a break for a while  
It's been so long since I smiled**

Trish opened the door and smiled at the woman who was now standing on her doorstep. She knew this to be the District Attorney but she hadn't realized that it was going to be a woman showing up since the person who had called was a man. Moving out of the way of the door she motioned for the woman to enter, which she did before Trish aptly closed the door, following her slowly into the living room area.

John was seated there now and was waiting with baited breath to find out just what was going to happen to him and how it was going to affect the rest of his life. He knew that he had it coming but he just didn't know how severe it would be.

"Are we waiting for your counsel Mr. Cena?" the woman asked, not wasting any time with introductions and just heading right into it. Or so John seemed to think. Although he would love to know the womans name that was going to put him behind bars. At the very least he felt he was owed that.

"No ma'am I do not see the point for counsel since we all know that I did it. Trish is all the counsel I need at this point."

"Fair enough then. Shall we get down to business?"

John nodded and the DA was about to speak again but Trish got to her first and interrupted her. "Would you mind telling us who you are and why Mr. Sharp is not here in person?"

The look on the womans face gave her away instantly. She had forgotten to introduce herself and feeling guilty she held out her hand to Trish. "ADA Ferguson Ms. Stratus. Sorry about the lack of introductions. Mr. Sharp was due in court at the last minute and since I am second chair he suggested I come and familiarize myself with the case and the defendant."

_Defendant._

That was what he was going to be considered from now on wasn't it? No matter how many times he said it over in his head though, it just didn't seem to make any sense. How could one night of drinking get him here where he was right now?

"I need to first ask you a few questions, as well as you Ms. Stratus to get a statement made up of what happened that night. Is that alright with the both of you?"

John nodded his head, a ton of questions swirling in his mind as he did but Trish wasn't so quick to give her okay. "You want to tell me what this has to do with anything? We have both told the police everything that we know about that night and it has been written up in a formalized statement to that affect. Is that not enough for you?"

The ADA blushed and looked down at her notes, of which the statement was one of them.

_I can't believe she knows all of this stuff. Has she been studying the last two days?_ John thought but didn't say. He just sat quietly as the two women surrounding him got down to business. He assumed his turn would come soon enough and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Yes I have both of your statements that were taken at the hospital here but this is just a follow up. "

"Well then ask whatever you want and you will see that it will all match up to what you have there. Although I really do not see the point to this."

"Well alright then, I will start with you Ms. Stratus."

"You can call me Trish."

"Very well. Trish, you mentioned in your statement that you were the one that drove Mr. Cena here to the AA meeting and that you left for awhile to do some shopping nearby while he was scheduled to be in the meeting. Is that correct?"

Trish nodded and allowed the woman the chance to continue without interruption.

"Mr. Cena you did not reach that meeting did you?" the ADA asked, putting the boots to a now very nervous John who just felt like ducking and covering.

"Yes I never went into the meeting. I instead went to a bar but for the life of me I cannot remember the name, but then again I was drunk right? Either way I got drunk with a patron who just happened to be a fan of me in the WWE and I talked him into giving me his car keys. From there, and please do not interrupt me as this will surely answer all your questions, I got in the vehicle, drunk and I drove, at which time I had a mental lapse in judgment and I hit another car at an accelerated speed, killing the two occupants. Of which I do not know the names of. Does that answer all your questions Ma'am?"

She was taken aback to say the least. She had a list of questions and every one of them was just answered by the man that she was here to speak with. But now that she had gone through the statements, she now had to get down to the real reason for the visit and that was to decide whether or not to charge John Cena with vehicular manslaughter, two counts.

Trish spoke up then, now sitting beside John Cena and holding his hand for dear life. If she wasn't here on official business she would definitely comment on the way these two handled themselves. It was like they were in a rush to get this whole thing over with.

"Is he going to be arrested? Better yet, tell me how long he has before they come and shackle him."

Turning back to business, the ADA looked both of the young people in the eye that sat before her and laid down the cold hard facts. She knew deep down that they were not going to take it well but once the words came out, she was shocked by the response.

"John Cena, you are here by formally charged with vehicular manslaughter in the deaths of Mary Lou Gregory and Alvin Gregory. You have exactly twenty four hours to surrender to the Ontario Provincial Police at which time you will be processed and put in lock up."

The ADA stood then and watched as the two young people before her embraced, tears now starting to fall from the man's face. Trish didn't make one move only to hug him and was as cold as ice to the touch after the news had finally been hit.

She had known it was coming but after the words were spoken she just couldn't believe it. She only had another day before they took John away, quite frankly for what could be forever.

"Thank you very much for coming out here today." John said as he pulled away from Trish and stood, ready to walk the ADA to the door. So many things were floating through his mind, one of which was his desire to drown himself in a bottle and never wake up. He shook the idea off and as the ADA walked through the door headed for the car, he closed the door behind him.

As soon as he hit the living room he saw her and his heart immediately felt like it was going to rip out of his chest. The woman who had just admitted only minutes before to loving him was in a crumpled mess on the floor, tears streaming down her face.

As he stood watching her he realized that as much as they had begun to care for each other, there was no way either of them had planned on this happening and being something they dealt with. Trish was the picture of that in the moment and he hated watching her go through it.

The realization was real and true though. And as Trish looked up and caught his eye from across the room, he knew that she knew it too.

They had less then twenty four hours together before he had to go to jail, possibly for life.

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Note:** Don't kill me okay? That last chapter had to happen the way it did but all will work out in the end I think, so bear with me. Thanks for the support, you guys all rock my world. Happy Reading!

* * *

**I don't wanna listen now **

"Say something baby please. Don't shut me out now, not when there isn't that much time left." John said as he bent down beside her as she lay in a ball on the floor, her emotions finally coming full circle.

"I-I-I..oh John let's face it, I don't know what to say anymore." she choked out between loud sobs.

He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms gently, stroking her back with his hands, all the while praying that someone somewhere could take her pain away. Pain that was caused by him and what he had done in one stupid move. He knew that it was coming but for so long she had been the strong one, never once cracking in her resolve to stand beside him.

Now he was getting to see the softer side of her, the side that she had shown him the night at Hunter's when she had relived what had happened between her and Jeff Hardy. He wished so hard that she didn't have to go through this. But there was nothing he could do to take the pain away other then to walk away. Something that while might be the right thing to do was something he just did not have in him.

"John what are we going to do?"

"I don't know if there is anything we can do Trish. I hit those people remember? I killed them. You cannot go back and make it so that I didn't do it. But let me ask you something."

"Anything." was all she replied.

"Does this change how you feel at all? Would you rather I turned myself in now to save you the trouble of a goodbye?"

Silently John hoped the answer would be what he wanted to hear but in that moment and the silence that was now following he had no idea which way her heart was going to take her. All he knew was that whatever she said now had the power to make or break him and the last thing he needed was more hurt.

Pulling away she looked up at him and saw the questions in his eyes without the words to speak them. "John Cena I promised you I wouldn't back down from any of this and I don't plan on it now because of what happened here minutes ago. When i told you I loved you, baby I meant it."

He put his forehead to hers in a move that showed no worry, no weakness, just love. It also brought memories about his nephew who always chose the forehead move as a meaning for a hug and kiss combined, something he felt in his heart he wanted more then anything with this woman but would not push for.

The phone rang then, startling them both and bringing them back to reality. They only had twenty four hours to get everything in order before surrendering John the next morning. It was time to make the most of it and make sure they made this as painless as possible.

Trish cast a look at the phone and then another back at the man who sat before her, obviously wondering what the right move to do would be. That was until he spoke and allowed her to make the right one. "Answer it Trish, it might be something about the arrest or trial or something."

Nodding she stood up and headed for the phone. She picked up the receiver and held her breath, almost not wanting to hear who would be on the other end of the line. If this was any more news about the accident and aftermath she just might crack and fall into her old habits of pulling inside herself, something that John didn't need from her right now.

"Hello?"

"Trish look I know you must be busy as hell but Hunter told me I might be able to find John there and I called his cell phone and apparently its out of service. Is he there?"

Her blood ran cold as she suddenly recognized the voice on the other end of the line. She had spoken to Randy only the day before and they had gone over everything but they hadn't talked about Michelle and the fact that she might try calling him here. But now that she thought about it, Randy had probably told her and she just didn't want to admit it. Just what did she want now?

"Yeah he's here, hang on a second alright?"

As she got the response from the young woman she turned to John, passing the phone over to him before walking out of the room with nothing more then an "its for you."

"Yeah?"

"John, it's 'Chelle. Can we talk now?" she said, using his nickname for her and making his stomach sick at the sound of it. It had been so long ago that he had called her those nicknames and here she was now using them. It just upset the hell out of him and he really didn't need this right now.

"Michelle I thought we said everything that needed to be said. Why are you calling me now and what more could we possibly have to say to one another?"

The line went silent then and John had to wonder if maybe she had taken the hint from his voice and just fucked off. Just having her on the line was causing his temples to start thumping, his breathing to become erratic and the thoughts of the night he had walked in on Randy and her had flooded his brain. It was almost too much to deal with especially knowing he had precious little time left.

"You're gonna want to talk to me John because what i have to say is important."

_What could she possibly say to him now that was important?_ He thought and wanted to say but didn't. Her voice had turned cold all of a sudden and he wondered just what she had to tell him that would make her change so quickly.

"You wanna tell me that you're sorry for blowing my best friend Michelle? Because if this has anything at all to do with what I walked in on then you can save it. It's just all hot air thats better left for you to use on Randy."

"John for fuck sakes can you just put your anger aside for one minute and let me tell you why i called? I know you hate me and thats valid. I hate myself right now for what I did to you and to us but this has nothing to do with that. John..."she paused then, taking all of the air out of his lungs and making him yearn longer for some sanity. "I'm pregnant."

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**Live this day down  
With you so drunk and high  
So I'll say goodbye **

As he hung up the phone he realized with great clarity that his life which he had assumed could not get any worse was about to take a nosedive in the wrong direction and there was nothing he could do to stop it. She was pregnant? Could it be possible that it was his? After all she had not denied sleeping with Randy during that period. Whatever it meant it still solidified that there was a chance he might become a father, at the exact time he would be placed in prison for life.

He saw the car keys on the table and he scooped them up, not knowing where he would go or what he would do but knowing that with this new found knowledge, he had to be anywhere other then here. No matter how he felt about Trish, what they were going through together he knew this was going to be too much for her to handle.

He slipped silently out the front door and made his way down to the car, unlocking the door and sliding his body deep inside of it. He threw a final look back at the house before he started the ignition. He let it idle for a few minutes as his mind replayed the conversation with Michelle, the fact that she might indeed be carrying his child.

Could he really do this again? Run away again in hopes that his past wouldn't catch up with him and haunt him until his death? He had tried to run after he left Promises all those years ago and eventually the memory of his brother caught up with him. Now he was faced with a death sentence for the same exact mistake he had made with his brother and he was running again. Could he do this to a child? Could he really be a father on the run from the law?

Was it really better then the alternative of living out the rest of his days in prison? And what about Trish, the woman who had vowed with certainty to stay by his side through out everything and even admitted that she was falling in love with him more and more each day. Could he really do this to her now? Take her car, back out of her parking lot and essentially her life for good without a seconds glance?

Before he had the chance to answer all of the questions swirling around in his mind, the door to the house opened and like a spit fire she came running down the parking lot. She instinctively knew he was going to run and the closer she got to the idling car, the deeper the sigh that escaped his throat. He didn't have to make this decision anymore because she had already made it for him. She wasn't going to allow him to run and he was more thankful then anything for it.

She opened the passenger side door and slipped inside, immediately turning the car off and shutting down all power before taking out the keys and placing them back into her shorts pocket.

"John I don't know what Michelle did or said to you on the phone but I can imagine it's what Randy did to me yesterday when he called. So I'm asking you, no wait I am telling you, it is not worth this, you are not going to run away again."

As soon as she took a deep breath when the words were out of her mouth he grabbed her roughly and pushed his lips to hers. She had done exactly what he had wanted her to do and that was she was saving him from making yet another big mistake. He knew this was going to be an uphill climb, his urge to drown himself in alcohol a constant fight but with her now by his side, fighting with him he seriously thought he had a chance of succeeding. She was right, he didn't need to run anymore, no matter what Michelle had told him.

"She's pregnant and there is a chance that the baby might be mine Trish." he managed to get out, trying to let the idea of it sink in. Hearing the words out loud only seemed to make him feel worse though instead of better. So much for the truth setting you free. The truth of the matter was he was only mere minutes from ripping what little hair he had out of his head.

She kissed him again, gently this time to make up for the roughness he had just displayed and then kissed him again, in another small peck of the lips. She was doing it to calm him, to keep his mind from going to the dark recesses that it was known to do and he was grateful because that was the last place he wanted to go at the moment.

"Baby, I know that she is pregnant, Randy called and told me yesterday. He also said it might be his. As unforgivable as this whole situation is John, I think before you go into prison tomorrow you need to put this part of your past behind you. You need to talk to Randy and you need to either agree to part ways or you need to patch up slowly what might be one of the best friendships you've both ever had."

He knew she was being truthful in her words but he didn't know if he had it in him to forgive the scene and the lies that he had walked in on two weeks before. It was just still too fresh for him, baby or no baby.

"Trish, I feel broken inside and that isn't going to change by going and speaking to Randy. What happened is done, and there is nothing I can do to change it. You helped me deal with my issues with Michelle. I have a lot of anger and pain still on the surface but its no longer affecting my judgment. What is affecting me is possibly going to jail and never getting to experience love again, the proper way with you. I want to run from it, I want to run away and never come back but I know I can't do that this time, because it won't make anything change."

"Your frightened about tomorrow aren't you? And about the trial that will follow.." she let her words drift off because she too was afraid of what the ending would be. Whatever that ending was, she knew it didn't include her and John being together other then separated by iron bars. She knew she would take it because she really did love him but she knew deep in her heart she wanted more then that.

"I want to consummate our love together Trish, I want to spend the rest of my life waking up beside you and making love to you but I know that if that happens today, or tonight and I get a taste of what we could share and how powerful it could be, that it might just make things worse because I will crave something I can never truly have."

She put her fingers to his lips then, cutting him off from speaking and in doing so cutting off the part of his brain that was working on overdrive as well. She silenced the voices in his mind and made him for the first time take notice of her and what she was about say in front of him.

"I don't need to make love to you, or have sex with you to know what is truly in your heart John Cena. I know that you have grown over the past two weeks to care about me and that you will walk the heavens and earths to do anything I asked of you. The only thing I need from you to be happy is your promise that no matter what happens in the future you will never run from me again. I need you just as much as you need me."

He looked at the dashboard of the car he had almost stolen and driven away in and his heart sank. The one thing she wanted in this life he had almost thrown away and not given her. As she stared at him now, awaiting an answer he was filled with a renewed strength, one that he would surely need in the weeks to come.

John Cena was in love with Trish Stratus and he was never going to run again. He was never going to allow the words that could change a lifetime pass his lips again. The words of a goodbye kiss.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

* * *

**I don't wanna know it's over  
So save your goodbye kiss **

"I have twenty four hours and you are bringing me here again?" he asked her a playful tone in his voice. He knew the intent behind it and he loved her more for it. This was where he needed to be whether he wanted to admit it or not and she somehow knew that deep down and here they were now ready to go in and face the music. "This didn't work very well the last time you tried it."

"I know silly but this time I am going to be right there with you. If anything while I may not have turned to drinking, I did turn myself inside out when Jeff had his problems and as much as you need to be here right now, I think I need it more."

The fact that she was that candid with her feelings and the way her life had gone thus far was amazing to John. He had spent so much of his life running from the mistakes he made instead of dealing with them head on. He thought he could beat them all the more he ran but as it turned out the situations only got worse when he did that. She was standing here now admitting that what she had gone through with Jeff had changed her and now it was time for her to be the person she was born to be again.

They walked through the double doors hand in hand, not letting go of each other for one second but not out of fear of the other one running. This time it was because as they held hands it made their hearts closer and they were comfortable now with that closeness.

They took their seats and waited as everyone else seemed to file into the building and follow suit. When everyone was seated, the speaker took to the microphone and podium and began the meeting.

"We have some new faces with us tonight, faces we have never seen before so to start things off tonight we want to introduce the new people to the room and have them tell a little bit about themselves and what brings them here tonight." He motioned toward John and Trish and they both stood and made their way over to the now vacant podium.

John cast a look at the woman beside him and the strength and devotion that seemed to radiate off of her and he felt stronger by it. He knew he could face this now, more then any other time before it and knew it would make him a better man.

"My name is John Cena and I am an alcoholic. I have been one for years but instead of admitting it to myself and to those around me I fell deeper into despair. It wasn't until recently when I caused the deaths of two innocent people that I finally realized I had a problem."

He passed the microphone to Trish and stood by, love filling his every pour as he watched her speak. She was the only one in the room that was not an alcoholic so it was going to be interesting to see how she stated why she was there.

"My name is Trish Stratus and while I might not be an alcoholic, I am a former doormat for someone that was addicted to a painful medication that he couldn't break himself from. I also suffer from the God complex where every pore of my being wants to save the people that I love. Why I am here tonight is simple, I want to change and I want to acknowledge that change and move forward in my life, just like the rest of you."

They backed away from the podium together and sat down as the main speaker came back up to ask for more people to take their time and speak out on why they were there. After listening for over an hour, they broke and refreshments were served. It was then that a young woman and man made their way over to the two of them and introduced themselves.

"It was good when the two of you spoke and admitted to your faults. It gives us hope that we can also change the way we are and be better people." they both said in unison. It was a very tender moment and a moment that John would never forget. It felt good to touch other people, especially people that were younger then him and he hoped that by what he said earlier tonight he could stop the young people from drinking and driving and ending up like him.

As they walked to their car still not letting go of each others hands, Trish stopped walking and turned to face the man beside her.

"Why are you stopping?"

She smiled at him and stood high on her toes, pressing her lips gently to his, letting her lips find and taste his. "Because I wanted to do that, but also because I wanted to find out if you would do something for me?"

John cocked his eyebrow in a questioning nature and smiled serenely, the way he had so many times throughout their day together, after the admission in her car only hours before. "What can I do for you? You have to know by now I would pretty much do anything you asked of me."

She laughed and kissed him again. "Of course I do but this is something I want to do for both of us and I am hoping you are game."

They started walking again to the car in silence and as they reached the car door and John used the automatic locks to unlock her car door to let her slide in, he looked her in the eye, almost like a kid on Christmas with excitement to find out what she had running through her mind.

"What do you want me to do Trish?"

Not wasting another moment she spoke again, laying her idea out on the table, hopeful with the end result. "I want you to take me on a picnic John, but not just any picnic. This picnic will be a private one, in a very private place and I want to spend the rest of the day and night in your arms, watching the sky turn from light to dark, the stars and the moon to light our way. So can you do that for me John?"

With a quick smile, he bent down into the drivers seat of the car and kissed her deeply, wanting more but not pushing for it. All would come in due time and if there was any indication of the plan that Trish had, it might come sooner then later.

"Game on."

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Note:** This is a note to let you loyal readers know that this story is going to be reaching a conclusion sometime soon. Not in this chapter and not for another few but it will reaching its end. I am already at work on the sequel so watch for that to be posted up right after this one ends. I want to thank all of you thought for the loyal reading and reviewing of this story as its my new baby. You guys and gals are the best! Happy Reading!

* * *

**I don't want to know it's over  
Cause ignorance is bliss  
I can hardly see  
What's in front of me **

The beach was deserted at this hour, the darkness surrounding the entire lake, the only light for miles was the light of the moon shining its brightness down upon the lake and making it sparkle and shine.

As they left the gravel path and started to walk into the sand John realized that walking in shoes was not going to be an option. So stopping and releasing Trish's hand he slipped of his shoes, throwing them in the large duffel bag they had brought along with them, containing everything he assumed Trish would want for this night to be perfect.

"Do you see that John? She said, grabbing his hand again and using it to point out to where she was looking. Sure enough he saw what she was looking at and it, much like her took his breath away. Out in the middle of the lake was a lone swan, drifting around in the darkness, looking at its most serene.

As he casted a look at Trish and saw the sparkle in her eyes at having caught sight of this wonderful picture, he realized that the swan wasn't the only thing that looked serene. In that moment, she was at her most laid back and innocent. She looked younger then her years, almost like a child in excited wonderment. He was thankful that she had suggested coming here tonight because had they not, he never would have seen her this way.

He pulled her hair back from around her ears, sliding it back with his hands and he put his lips to her ears. "The swan is beautiful in the moonlight but it will never hold a candle to you."

She turned then and with the light of the moon surrounding them, the sounds of the water rushing against the shoreline to keep them company she placed her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, enjoying the feel of his lips combined together with hers. They may have only been there for a short time but she was already realizing that this was one of the best nights of her life.

He pulled away then and picked up a little rock that was sitting by his foot. Looking at her and smiling he motioned towards the lake, glistening under the moon. "Have you ever skipped rocks?"

She giggled and smacked him on the arm. "Yes John, this is Toronto, not some far away land where they don't have rock skipping. Of course I have skipped rocks. It was practically what i did here as a kid. Well that and feeding the birds."

"Wanna skip one with me?"

She smiled at him warmly, feeling flushed with the amount of love she was beginning to feel for this man. No longer did she feel torn in two places, no longer did she have to fight to save him from himself. All she had to do now was sit back and relish the thought of what John Cena loving her could mean.

"You aren't going to make this into a contest are you?" she asked raising her eyebrows and trying to pretend to be serious. When the last thing on her mind was taking any of this seriously.

"Only if you want me too." He replied back picking up the rock and skimming it into the water, watching it skip over small waves until it came to a stop and flopped down into the water below.

Following suit she skipped her rock and watched as it surpassed the area that John had just sunk his in. She screamed with delight and John picked her up in his arms, spinning her around once before putting her feet back onto the sand. The minute her feet touched the floor he looked down into her eyes and saw the gleam that never seemed to go away, the same gleam he had been looking at all day and never tired of.

"Trish, if I never get the chance to say this to you again, thank you for everything you've done for me in the last two weeks."

Putting a hand to his cheek, and gently stroking her fingers across it in a circular motion she looked him in the eyes, her heart on her sleeve for all too see. "There is nothing to thank me for John. I didn't know it at the time but I needed you just as much as you needed me. I was running from myself like you were and you couldn't have come at a better time."

"Even though I might be facing life in prison?"

"Even with all of that. I love you John, and with each moment we have together now and will have together in the future, I am only going to love you more."

He wanted to believe her in that moment because she was saying exactly what his heart needed to hear. But what kind of life could he promise her? Could he really expect her to wait for him in the hopes that parole would let them be together at some point before he died? Could he really do that to her?

She knew he had gone into himself again, seeing the signs because she herself had been guilty of it a time or two. She did not want to push him but she wanted him to be able to tell her what he was feeling. Whether he liked it or not, they were now in all of this together.

"Tell me what you're thinking John. Let me be there for you."

"I just don't want to give you a bunch of false hope and empty promises Wish." he said calling her by the nickname he had jokingly come up with. She found though that every time he said it, it made her heart skip a beat. It was definitely going to be a nickname she would get used too.

"What have you promised me that you haven't given me John?"

He thought about it for a moment and realized that he hadn't really promised her anything other then the fact that he wouldn't run away again. Not without her anyway. "Nothing I guess."

"Then why worry about things that haven't even been talked about? You told me that you love me and you promised me you would never run from what we have or from what might happen to you and you have followed through on all of it. You had the chance to run and you didn't. So please don't worry about failing me somehow because you couldn't be more off."

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** This chapter will be a song chapter but it will not contain lyrics from the song that the story is named after. Those will pick up again with the next chapter. So for this chapter, you will see the occurrence of the song by Default – The Memory Will Never Die. I hope this clears up any confusion and I thank you all for any support given for this work. I deeply appreciate it.

* * *

**I whisper in your ear  
The words you want to hear  
You feel the wind and it reminds you  
It happens every time  
You stop and close your eyes  
You can't deny what lives inside you  
Well I know it's hard to see  
What is meant to be  
When yesterday is so far behind you **

She watched him take the blanket out of the bag and began to unfold it, her eyes glued to his hands and the way they seemed to master just about anything he touched. The past twenty four hours had been a roller coaster ride of emotions but she wouldn't change a thing. Standing here now in the middle of the night, all that was surrounding them was darkness and the light of the moon, it was right where she wanted to be.

No matter what happened tomorrow when he turned himself in, they had tonight and if what had happened so far was any indication, this was going to be one hell of a memory.

"Should we have taken pillows?" John asked her then, bringing her about face and remembering that he was still working away across from her.

"I don't think I want my pillows filled with sand. I want to remember this night, not carry about souvenirs of it." she said, trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to bubble over in her throat. Sometimes without even trying he could be down right funny. The best part about it was that she never seemed to see it coming. It was nice.

"You mean you don't want a message in a bottle of sand out of the ocean from me?" he said, his blue eyes shining with humor, pouting his lips in defeat, all aimed in her direction. He had finished with the blanket and the wine bucket and ice and he came up behind her and wrapped his arms tenderly around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm from the chill of the lake before them.

"It is so serene out here tonight John. It's like the perfect night."

"It isn't the night that makes it so perfect Trish but I do agree with you that the night is pretty perfect."

She snuggled deeper into his arms as they stood looking out over the vast land before them. In the midst of all this beauty it was amazing that they were a part of it. Such small beings as themselves were such a point of the bigger picture. "Well if the night isn't what makes this perfect then what exactly does Mr. Cena?" she asked coyly, itching for him to say the words that were sure to warm her heart. And he did not disappoint.

"You."

**Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there**

She turned into him then and lifting her head up to meet with his she lay her lips tenderly to his and let herself get caught up in the moment of the feeling when their two sets of lips met again. It was like poetry in motion whenever they touched and neither of them could get enough of it.

The kiss deepened as they felt around in each others mouths, pushing the desire level through the roof, to the point that neither of them could handle it anymore. He picked her up then and brought her lightly down with him as he hit the sand on his knees.

He lay her on the blanket, the whiteness of it shining in the moonlight, lighting up her face and making her look absolutely radiant. He stared into her eyes for a few mere seconds before she sat up and pulled him back down on top of her, continuing the kiss that he had broken away from to lay her down just seconds before.

He heard her moan gently into his mouth and within seconds he followed suit, just completely caught up in this woman and what it felt like to feel her on top of his arms now.

The kiss ended and they looked at each other, John's eyes getting darker then the usual bright blue because of the building desire. He wanted this woman now more then anything he had ever wanted in his life. She was the reason that his heart was beating. He was alive and his heart was beating for her and the feeling that she had given him in such a short time together. The feeling of ultimate acceptance and love.

**You made me believe the day you surrender to me  
The memory will never die  
The love that you gave  
I'll never throw it away  
The memory will never die**

"I love you Trish, more then I ever thought I could possibly love someone."

He saw the tear in the corner of her eye before she spoke and he could have sworn that after he saw the sight of another one.

"I love you too John Cena, more then anything. Hold onto me and never let me go."

Taking his time he slowly lifted the baby doll shirt she was wearing over her head and tossed it on the side of the blanket near the sand. He admired the lingerie that she was wearing underneath and was struck with the idea that she had planned this for a while and had kept it all secret from him until the very end. She had known what he had, that they would end up here tonight. John just hadn't realized it was going to feel this good.

She reached up then and unclasped the button on the front of his jeans, the sound of the click making it all come full circle and making them realize what was indeed about to happen.

She slowly pulled his pants down his legs as far as she could take them with him being on top of her and he gladly did the rest for her, the smile that was plastered on his face the entire time tonight not leaving for a second.

**The tides take a turn  
Another lesson learned  
I'm right here but still you wonder  
Would you say that you need more  
And it's not what it was before  
It was before your on your own and going under**

He watched her as he did and he realized just how innocent she looked in the moonlight right now. If he didn't know better he would have thought she was in her early twenties instead of her thirties, with the glow she had displayed all over her facial features. Her eyes still shone with love and commitment, and her lips looked almost delicious without one stitch of makeup on them. She was a natural beauty, something that was so rare to find in this world and he ventured to believe she really did take his breath away.

After removing all of their clothes slowly, piece by piece, John grabbed the other blanket he had unfolded and he wrapped it around them for coverage. He felt her shiver beneath him and was unsure if it was from the weather or from anticipation for what was about to happen next.

**Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there **

"Are you okay Wish?" he asked, again using his nickname for her, making her heart melt all over again as he did.

"Better then okay John, I don't want to wait any longer."

Lining his body up with hers in perfect harmony, he slid his shaft inside of her slowly not wanting to push too hard right away for fear of hurting her. The minute he entered her, he felt her sigh and his body only seemed to get harder. The sound of her during this whole process just made it that much sweeter.

They made love then, more then once as the moonlight shone down on them to guide them in their passion. There was no finality to this moment, only a feeling from both of them that this night should never have to end.

You made me believe the day you surrender to me  
The memory will never die  
The love that you gave  
I'll never throw it away  
The memory will never die

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** This is a heads up for you loyal readers out there. This story after some deep thought and plotting by me will have two more books to it, which will make into a series. But this series, as opposed to my other ones will not feature different characters. This will still be about Trish and John, and the pasts of these two people and how far they have to go to keep their love strong. The next story will begin as soon as this one ends and so on until I end this one with a bang. Now also in story news, this is the second last chapter of this story. So get your review pens out and let me know what you think of having two more books about this couple. Thank you so much for the support thus far and I promise not to disappoint...well not too much ;)

* * *

**Cause the vodka's running on empty  
I can't stay sober  
If it's over**

She awoke to the heat of the sun on her face and pulling up into a sitting position, she realized with sudden clarity that they had just spent the entire night in each others arms on the beach front, just as she had requested.

She cast a look at John, who was sleeping very soundly beside her, the rising and falling of his chest showing just how at peace he was. It was as if he didn't even realize in his dreams that soon there wouldn't be any more moments like this one and he would be gone for a very long time.

Not wanting to disturb him she slipped out from under his arm which had been strewn across her body and started to collect the items they had used throughout the night. The bottle of wine John had brought with him was left untouched and Trish breathed a sigh of relief.

That had not been a part of her plan and seeing it the same way that it had come there last night made her mind and heart calm. Maybe he really could kick his addiction and get his life together.

_Too bad you won't be around to share it with him._ She thought then, her thoughts immediately turning grim and dark. It was true of course, she would not be around with John to celebrate just how he was going to turn his life around because he was going to have to do that alone in jail.

She felt a horrible knot in her stomach, for the families of the people that John had hit and killed but also for the future that they would never have together. Unless there was a twist of fate out there that would stack the numbers in their favor, John was going to be going away to prison for 25 to life.

He stirred then and she watched as he slowly moved, his movements like a cat waking up, stretching and taking his time gathering his bearings. She watched as he turned over, placing his arms where he thought her body would still be and when he discovered she was no longer lying there he immediately flipped his eyes all the way open and looked up frightened, until he saw her smiling back at him from above.

Kneeling down beside him, she kissed his lips gently, noticing instantly just how dry and cracked they had become from having nothing to hydrate them in over eight hours. She passed him the water bottle and stood again, heading back to what she had started minutes earlier.

"I thought you left me." he said, his voice strained and cracked for first thing in the morning but something Trish still found arousing.

"Never." she said smiling. "I just wanted to get some of this stuff picked up before the beach bums come out for the morning surf."

He seemed to lose himself in thought then, forgetting for a moment that she was even there with him. It was only when he spoke next that Trish figured out where he had just gone in his mind.

"Don't you mean you were cleaning up before you drive me to the police station?"

After the wonderful night they had just spent together she had not wanted to get into this but there was no denying that the thought of him going to the station had crossed her mind more then once since she had gotten up minutes before him.

It was hard not to think about it because they had just consummated their love for one another and there may never be another day like it again and it saddened her to think about it. There was no way that after being with John she could ever be with another man again. No one would fill the void that he had since coming into her life mere weeks ago and no one ever would.

"I wasn't going to mention it but yeah, they are going to want you there in about an hour."

He stood then and wiped the stray sand off of his shorts, angrily picking up the blanket as he did and stuffing it into his duffel. They continued in silence picking up after themselves and once everything was back the way it was when they had arrived the night before, they headed for the car, neither one talking for fear of admitting that they were both scared out of their minds.

As she started up the engine of the car and the radio kicked in, she immediately turned it down and turned to the man beside her. He was doing what she had done so many times and he was going inside himself, to steel himself against what was about to happen to him. Sure he would get out on bail and not have to spend more then a few nights in the lockup but that still didn't change the fact that at the trial, he would be certainly sentenced to life in prison. So their time was going to be practically non existent.

"Baby talk to me, don't shut me out now."

What could he say to her now that would make any sense or not come out as an empty promise? He had known last night that this moment would come and he had thought things would be easier now that they had admitted their love and were committed to it. But now staring at her, all of it seemed to fall apart. He wasn't sure of anything anymore.

"Trish I don't want to go to jail. I don't want to be away from you. I want to--" he cut himself off as if not sure if he could say what he wanted to say. "I want to protect you from the rest of the world for the rest of my life. I will live with the vision of that accident for the rest of my life, and what I did to that couple. Isn't that enough punishment? Why do they have to take me away from you too?"

She watched him silently, trying to come up with the right words to make him feel better about a situation that really had no way of being any better. She saw the tear slip down his cheek and she immediately put the car in park and jumped over the seat until she was practically in his lap.

"We will get through this John. I know that its easy to say that but I really mean it. We love each other, and we can get through anything as long as we don't give up on each other. Not now, not ever."

"Can you deal with this Wish? Not having me around?"

Silence fell on the car then as Trish thought about the answer to that question. The truth was she couldn't handle it, but because of the way she knew in her heart she felt, she knew she would deal with it the only way she knew how. Strongly.

"No John I don't even want to think about you walking into that station and never coming out. But its our reality right now."

"How can I ask you to wait for me in hopes I get parole?"

She hugged him tightly too her only after wiping the lone tear from his eyes. "You aren't asking me to do anything. I am just going to do it. You are my future John, even if its just 30 minutes visits in a prison trailer."

He smiled lightly then, the idea of time alone with her in a trailer not very appealing but quite funny to picture. " That will not be enough time, you do realize that don't you?"

She laughed and kissed his lips gently. "After last night? How could I not?" She glanced at her watch then and was reminded that they needed to be at the station in less then a half hour. They would make it but only if they left now. She looked at John and he seemed to read what she was thinking instantly.

"We better get this over with."

* * *


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Hinder and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John Cena is faced with a life altering event and is forced to analyze every aspect in his life. Can he save himself before it's too late or will he be lost forever?

**Authors Notes:** This is the last chapter and in saying that the time has come to thank all of you for the support for this fiction through the read count and the reviews. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. This has been one hell of a story that my mind and heart wanted to tell and you all made it worth it. I hope you keep you enthralled with this couple with the next two installments as they deal with the ups and downs of the life they lead together.

* * *

**I don't wanna know  
If it's over  
If it's over  
I don't wanna know **

**Two Months Later**

The Assistant District Attorney stood up from behind the desk, ready to make closing arguments in a case that had been a long time coming. She took a deep breath and looked across the table at the defendant, a man by the name of John Cena, who she had met on only one other occasion, and caught the look of anxiousness in his eyes.

She knew the look of course, she had seen it on a few other defendants in her time but this one threw her for a loop. He had always admitted his guilt from the beginning, never once taking the time to try and deny he had been behind the wheel of that car drunk and killed the older couple on the way home from their anniversary dinner.

Most people would have tried to fight but this man didn't and it irked her to no end. He wanted to be put in jail, at least from the way he acted but yet now as she watched him under her glasses, she realized that what he wanted and what he was going to get were two different things. He almost looked afraid.

She turned back to the jury and she opened her eyes wide, struggling to keep her voice even and strong as well as keeping all emotion off of her face.

"Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, from the beginning of this trial, the defense has not once tried to explain just what their client was thinking on the night in question, getting behind the wheel of a car that was not his own, intoxicated no less, and running off into the night the way he did. Nor have they tried to explain just what their client was thinking speeding up when he knew it was against the law. Well the families want justice, they want truth for what happened to their mother, their sister and brother. John Cena never mounted any defense in this trial at all which tells me, and it should tell you that he is guilty and should be sentenced as such. If any vengeance is to be made from this, you must find him guilty."

She walked back to her marker and watched as the defense attorney stood and made the long walk around to where he would now address the jury. His look of seriousness and determination was not lost on her. Not one bit. She only hoped that the defense teams ploy of selling his career as a WWE superstar didn't save him from being tried just as any other man would in this situation. In fact the more she thought about it, she knew it might be a definite possibility and one she was not looking forward too.

_Your fate now lies in the hands of those twelve people._ He thought to himself as he waited in one of the empty interview rooms, along with his court appointed lawyer, awaiting the dreaded words that would end his life forever.

* * *

It had been a rough couple of months. He had gotten out on bail as he had been assured he would have and in that time had been let go by the WWE, lock stock and barrel. The only saving grace that could be found was that Trish had been by his side every step of the way, even going to far as to hold his hand and let him yell and cry when Vince had delivered the final blow to his much over life. 

He knew without her he would be a mess right now and that was something he was more then thankful for each and every day that went by. They hadn't been apart from each other for one second since the arrest took place and he did not plan on staying away from her a minute longer now. It was all the time he had left before the jury came back and sentenced him to no longer then the rest of his life away from her.

It was then that the door opened and he found the air fill back into his lungs again at the sight of her as she walked in, smile across her lips and her eyes sparkling as they always seemed to do whenever he was around. Despite where they both were at that moment in time.

"How are you holding up baby? Do you need me to get you anything?" she asked lightly as he wrapped his arms around her. The guards had been nice enough to take the cuffs off after the first visit in this room and it had remained that way every day since and he was thankful. If he couldn't touch her this way he just might go out of his mind.

"I have what I need. How are YOU holding up though? I know this must be horrible to have to sit through." He asked her, noticing four times throughout the day that she had run from the courtroom only to return a few seconds later and have it repeat all over again. Something was eating at her, and he only hoped she could open up and tell him about it.

The last thing he needed was to hear that she was falling apart when she was all that held him up in that moment.

"I don't know John, I think I must have ate something that didn't sit right with me because I'm really sick today. I know you've seen me leaving the courtroom a lot. I'm sorry about that, I hope I didn't worry you."

He had been worried about it, but he didn't want to say so now. Not that he knew the real reason she had been leaving. There were times today when he had thought that all of this was too much for her to bare alone and she was slowly giving up on him. He was glad inside to hear that it wasn't the case.

_At least not yet it isn't._

He pushed the thought from his mind and took sight of the woman before him now. She did indeed look sick, pale almost and she didn't seem to have the same amount of weight on her shoulders as she usually did when she visited with him. Something really did seem off about her and he only hoped it wasn't something serious.

"How long do they think the jury will deliberate?" Trish asked in barely a whisper as she was used to doing by now when she was in there with lawyers surrounding them.

"I don't know Wish but since I didn't testify to anything and I did go along with them and plead guilty, I would assume not very long. No one is denying what I did like they normally would so there isn't much to go over."

She squeezed his hand then with all the strength that she could muster, and looked him deeply in his baby blue eyes. The same eyes that over the past few months had seemed to gain a lot of color back in them. She knew he was coming back from that really dark place and she couldn't be happier about it.

"We're going to be okay John, we are going to get through this together."

He nodded and for awhile they both just let the silence around them kick in. There was so much they both wanted to say but they knew that it was better left said for a time when they could really be alone. John didn't know when that was going to be and neither did she and while it might have left them a little frightened, it was something neither were going to admit too.

"Have you talked to Michelle? Is the baby alright?"

Trish nodded and then smiled as she pulled something out of her purse, passing it along the table to show John. John flipped the paper over and as he took in the picture before him, he realized just what it was. It was a picture of his baby, or what he hoped was his baby. He might not be with Michelle any more and he might hate her for the things she had done but he had made peace with it since Trish had come into his life and he found he wanted this baby more then anything now.

"Does she know what it is yet?"

"No baby but when I find out I will tell you." she said stroking his hands lightly, still trying to hold them both together when goodbye seemed almost too close.

"When do the paternity results come in?" he asked, knowing he had done them almost a month ago now and he was eager to find out if this was his child or not. He needed to at least resolve that part of his life before he started living his behind bars.

"I don't know John, but I suppose that they will let you know directly since that was your choice when you had them done. The lawyers have talked to the lab and they will inform you through a letter of the results the minute they come in."

_Well then everything is set then._ He thought almost wanting to kick himself for feeling this way. In his last minutes alone with the woman he had come to love more then anything in this world, even more then the career he had had with the WWE, all he could talk about was the baby that may or may not be his and avoidance of the real issue at hand.

"Wish, I can't say goodbye to you. I know thats what this time is about right now but I just can't. I don't want to say goodbye."

She smiled weakly at him and reached across the table to place her lips to his in the smallest of kisses, a calming affect she had been using since the trial began and that always seemed to work on him. "Then just tell me you will see me later because you won't be lying to me."

The door to the room opened then and a bailiff came in and talked to the team of lawyers that John had been straddled with. They threw him a look and he knew the time had come for his fate to be revealed. With one last kiss to his beloved Wish, he made his way towards the door, her quickly following on his heels. It was now time to pay the piper.

* * *

"On the matter of the afore mentioned case, has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge asked, his voice seeming to boom throughout the entire room. 

Trish watched as the foreman stood and nodded his head, then verbalizing the answer for the rest of the courtroom. "Yes Your Honor we have."

The judge spoke again and Trish could feel the hairs on her arm start to spike up in fear. They had talked at length about this moment when they had been alone the last two months at her home, but now as the words were about to become public record, she just didn't know how she felt about hearing them. She wanted to close off her ears to the sound of the voice, but also to the sound of her heart breaking in half.

"How do you the jury find in this matter of vehicular manslaughter?"

The foreman spoke then, calm and rationally, all the while making Trish sick to her stomach with fear. "We the jury find the defendant, John Felix Anthony Cena...guilty on both counts of vehicular manslaughter in the untimely deaths of the two afore mentioned victims."

* * *


End file.
